895: Label Maker!
This episode of This American Life explores the power and consequences of labels through four interconnected stories: a couple avoiding relationship labels, Haitian immigrants facing loss of temporary protected status, a comedian's journey to autism diagnosis, and an essay on the inadequacy of labels to capture human complexity.
Summary
The episode opens with Sarah and Ethan, a couple ten months into their relationship who deliberately avoid using the terms "boyfriend" and "girlfriend," fearing that labels would trigger expectations and commitment they're not ready for. They've intentionally postponed a relationship-defining conversation. Host Tobin Lowe reflects on why people resist labels while appearing to be in committed relationships.
The second story follows Marie, a Haitian immigrant and certified nursing assistant working at a Boston nursing home for twelve years. Marie holds Temporary Protected Status (TPS), a temporary immigration classification that can be extended indefinitely but offers no path to permanent residency. When the Trump administration ends TPS for Haitians, affecting over 300,000 people, Marie faces job termination. The story captures her last shift, where her boss Colin struggles to find an appropriate moment to tell her she's being removed from the schedule. The narrative highlights the quiet, invisible way deportations and job losses occur in American workplaces, and the privacy-respecting silence maintained even among colleagues who share similar precarious immigration status.
The third act features Janet McNamara, a Boston comedian who spent over a decade seeking an autism diagnosis after a comedy club owner first suggested she might be autistic. Despite being tested multiple times and repeatedly dismissed by medical professionals, Janet cycled through corporate jobs where she struggled with social expectations and communication styles. After struggling with anxiety at work and feeling she needed to change her fundamental personality, she finally received a formal autism diagnosis as an adult. The diagnosis transformed how she relates to others and approaches situations, giving her permission to be herself rather than viewing her differences as personal failings.
The final essay by Alfred Jung Lee reflects on how labels and descriptions work—they highlight what makes someone different from the norm. Jung Lee describes his struggle to describe his late wife who died of cancer at 33. He reflects on how cancer's visible effects (weight loss, hair loss, facial swelling) dominated how she appeared in photos, overshadowing who she actually was. He considers what becomes important when trying to capture a person: the distinctive details (how she tilted her head, how she reacted to beauty) eventually give way to the recognition that the most profound thing about her was simply that she existed and created atmosphere, which was ultimately unremarkable in the sense that it was entirely human.
About this episode
Labels are powerful. They can distill you down to a single word. They can get stuck on you without your permission. And sometimes, when they get taken away, they can upend your entire life. On this episode: labels and the havoc they wreak. Visit <a href="https://thisamericanlife.supercast.com?utm_id=lifepartners&utm_source=rss&utm_medium=shownotes" rel="noreferrer noopener" target="_blank">thisamericanlife.org/lifepartners</a> to sign up for our premium subscription.(00:00:00) Prologue: Sara and Ethan have been dating for 10 months. They see each other at least once a week, text pretty much every day, and have been there for each other through hard times. But they refuse to have the “what are we?” conversation. So what gives? Guest host Tobin Low looks into it. (5 minutes)(00:05:14) Act One: Last week, when Temporary Protected Status, also known as TPS, was cut off for Haitian immigrants, some 300,000 people had their lives upended. Marie, a Certified Nursing Assistant in Boston, was one of them. Producer Chana Joffe-Walt spent a week with Marie as she tried to figure out exactly when her very last day on the job would be. (21 minutes)(00:27:10) Act Two: Comedian Janet McNamara was walking off stage 15 years ago when the club owner asked, “Hey, have you ever been tested for autism?” No one had ever asked her this before, so Janet decided to look into it. (17 minutes)(00:44:08) Act Three: When you get down to it, labels are just our way of pointing out what we think is remarkable about other people. That’s Alfred Jung Lee’s argument. He’s been thinking a lot about how we describe each other, especially as he tries to describe his wife, who passed away from cancer. (10 minutes)Transcripts are available at <a href="https://www.thisamericanlife.org/895/transcript" rel="noreferrer noopener" target="_blank">thisamericanlife.org</a> / This American Life <a href="https://www.thisamericanlife.org/page/privacy-policy" rel="noreferrer noopener" target="_blank">privacy policy</a>. / Learn more about <a href="https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices" rel="noreferrer noopener" target="_blank">sponsor message choices</a>.<br /><br />🎬 SEE THE STORY UNFOLD:<br />Want to see the original photos, documents, and the faces behind this week's acts?<br />👇 View the visual archive for this episode here:<br /><b><a href="https://goo.su/XwNQm" rel="noreferrer noopener" target="_blank">https://goo.su/XwNQm</a></b><br />(Updated for each story)
Key Insights
- Sarah believes that using boyfriend-girlfriend labels would trigger expectations about prioritization and reciprocal commitment that she's not currently comfortable with, revealing how labels function as containers for social obligations.
- Over 300,000 Haitian immigrants on Temporary Protected Status face sudden job loss with no formal process or appeals system, as TPS operates on executive discretion rather than established legal procedures, making it a 'vibes-based immigration status.'
- Marie's coworkers, many of whom are also on TPS, maintain deliberate silence about their immigration status at work out of privacy concerns, creating a culture where colleagues don't know who is affected even when discussing job losses related to TPS.
- Janet McNamara was denied an autism diagnosis by a professional because she didn't experience sensory issues with clothing tags, demonstrating how narrow diagnostic criteria can exclude people whose autism presents differently than stereotypical presentations.
- After receiving her autism diagnosis, Janet found that her changed approach to interactions—understanding that people weren't offended by her directness but responding to her different energy—improved her social relationships without requiring her to disclose or change fundamentally.
- Alfred Jung Lee argues that descriptions work by highlighting what makes someone different from the norm, so a person becomes 'unremarkable' when there is nothing distinctive to describe about them medically.
- Cancer treatment's visible effects (hair loss, weight changes, facial swelling) dominated how Jung Lee's deceased wife appeared in photographs, often making her look sick before revealing her actual personhood.
- Jung Lee concludes that the most important thing about another person may be the fact that they existed and created atmosphere and life simply by breathing, which is entirely ordinary and not distinctive enough to describe.
Topics
Transcript
A quick warning, there are curse words that are unbeaped in today's episode of the show. If you prefer a beeped version, you can find that at our website, thisamericanlife.org. From WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life. I'm Tobin Lowe, sitting in for Ira Glass. The story of Sarah and Ethan's relationship starts with heartbreak. She had just gotten out of a 12-year relationship. He was separated after 13 years of marriage. Neither of them were particularly interested in jumping into something new too fast. But their mutual friends thought, hey, they have that in common. They're both in their 40s, both a little wobbly from their last relationships. They should date. Here's Ethan. I think they saw us both…
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