This Couple Hasn't Had Sex in 5 Years 😳
A relationship or sex coach discusses the reality that many couples lose sexual attraction and intimacy over time, citing a couple who hadn't had sex in 5 years. The conversation touches on biological factors like testosterone drops and menopause, and highlights how most people lack the self-awareness to articulate what they actually want sexually.
Summary
The speaker opens by addressing a common but rarely discussed relationship issue: many people are no longer attracted to their partners. They reference a real-life example of a couple in their 50s who had not had sex in five years, which prompts personal reflection given their own proximity to that age.
The speaker then explores the biological contributors to declining sexual desire, specifically noting that men can experience testosterone drops and women go through menopause, both of which significantly affect libido. However, they push beyond biology to ask a deeper question — even setting aside physical changes, do people still genuinely find their partners attractive? They note that people are often reluctant to admit this because they fear being perceived as shallow or superficial.
Finally, the speaker shifts to their coaching and teaching experience, describing how they work with individuals and students to help them understand their own sexual preferences. They teach a class of 120 students and reveal that when asked to describe what they enjoy sexually, most can only answer 'missionary' — demonstrating a widespread lack of self-knowledge around intimacy. The speaker frames sexual fulfillment as dependent on understanding the specific conditions — 'the alchemy' — that make sex exciting, interesting, and satisfying, arguing that most people simply don't know what those conditions are for them.
Key Insights
- The speaker recounts working with a couple in their 50s who had not had sex in 5 years, framing this as a surprisingly common and relatable scenario rather than an anomaly.
- The speaker argues that biological changes — specifically testosterone drops in men and menopause in women — are major but often overlooked contributors to declining sexual desire in couples.
- The speaker claims that people are reluctant to admit they are no longer attracted to their partner because they fear being judged as shallow for valuing physical attractiveness.
- When teaching a class of 120 students and asking them to describe what they like in bed, the speaker found that most could only say 'missionary,' revealing a broad lack of sexual self-knowledge.
- The speaker argues that achieving fulfilling sex requires understanding specific personal conditions — what they call 'the alchemy' — and that most people have never developed the vocabulary or awareness to identify what those conditions are for them.
Topics
Transcript
[0:00] A lot of people aren't attracted to [music] their partner. >> I've talked to a couple that haven't had sex for 5 years. >> How old are they? They were in their 50s. That's right around the corner for me. Men [music] can experience like a drop in testosterone. Women can experience menopause. All of those things affect your sexual desire. Even if we remove that part, do you still find your partner attractive? And it's [music] something that people are so afraid to admit because they don't want to first like come off shallow. Like, oh, so you only like someone because of their physical attractiveness. So, how [0:30] do you coach somebody that comes in that's not…
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