The Darkest Day of Shawn Ryan's Life 😳

In this deeply personal account, Shawn Ryan describes what he considers the darkest day of his life — a night during which he made multiple attempts, directly and passively, to end his life. He recounts reclining his car seat in a closed garage with the engine running, an act of deliberate carbon monoxide poisoning. Inexplicably, he woke up back in his room, undressed, with no clear memory of how he got there.

Upon coming downstairs, he saw his gun and was clearly in a suicidal mindset. He went back upstairs and passed out again. When he eventually came back downstairs and walked toward the garage, he noticed the door handle was hot. He considered that opening the door might cause an explosion and, in his state of mind, thought that outcome would be acceptable — even desirable.

When he opened the door and nothing exploded, he discovered that his car's gas tank had melted from the heat of the running engine, and drops of gasoline were dripping onto the exhaust — a situation that should have caused a catastrophic fire or explosion. He notes that this occurred in a condominium building, meaning an explosion could have harmed or killed others, not just himself.

Ryan reflects on the full sequence of events — the car running, waking up, the gun, passing out, the hot door, the dripping gas — and concludes that surviving all of it was not a coincidence. His tone suggests he views the night as a pivotal, perhaps spiritually significant moment in his life.