The Darkest Day of Shawn Ryan's Life 😳
Shawn Ryan recounts a harrowing night in which he survived multiple near-death experiences, including carbon monoxide poisoning in a garage and a near-explosion from a melting gas tank. He describes being in a suicidal state that night, having also considered using his gun. He reflects on the sequence of events as something beyond coincidence.
Summary
In this deeply personal account, Shawn Ryan describes what he considers the darkest day of his life — a night during which he made multiple attempts, directly and passively, to end his life. He recounts reclining his car seat in a closed garage with the engine running, an act of deliberate carbon monoxide poisoning. Inexplicably, he woke up back in his room, undressed, with no clear memory of how he got there.
Upon coming downstairs, he saw his gun and was clearly in a suicidal mindset. He went back upstairs and passed out again. When he eventually came back downstairs and walked toward the garage, he noticed the door handle was hot. He considered that opening the door might cause an explosion and, in his state of mind, thought that outcome would be acceptable — even desirable.
When he opened the door and nothing exploded, he discovered that his car's gas tank had melted from the heat of the running engine, and drops of gasoline were dripping onto the exhaust — a situation that should have caused a catastrophic fire or explosion. He notes that this occurred in a condominium building, meaning an explosion could have harmed or killed others, not just himself.
Ryan reflects on the full sequence of events — the car running, waking up, the gun, passing out, the hot door, the dripping gas — and concludes that surviving all of it was not a coincidence. His tone suggests he views the night as a pivotal, perhaps spiritually significant moment in his life.
Key Insights
- Shawn Ryan describes deliberately leaving his car running in a closed garage and reclining his seat — an intentional act of carbon monoxide poisoning — as part of a suicidal episode.
- Ryan recounts waking up back in his room with no clear memory of how he got there, suggesting the carbon monoxide may have caused him to act unconsciously or that something else intervened.
- Upon seeing his gun after coming downstairs, Ryan was in a state where he was clearly still intent on ending his life, indicating the garage episode was not his only method considered that night.
- Ryan states that when he felt the hot garage door handle and suspected an explosion risk, he consciously thought 'that would be good,' revealing he was actively welcoming death at that moment.
- Ryan notes that gasoline dripping onto the exhaust in a condominium building could have killed other residents, and he explicitly states he does not believe surviving all of these events was a coincidence.
Topics
Transcript
[0:00] I should be dead. I reclined my seat back in the garage, left the car running, woke up naked in my room, ran downstairs, saw my gun, and then I walked out into the garage, grabbed the handle. It was hot. I was like, "Oh, I think my car is running in there." And I was like, "Man, if I open this door and there's a fire, I'm probably going to get blown away." And I was like, "Well, that would be good." So, I opened the door. Nothing happened. I went and looked and my gas tank had melted and there was drops of gas dripping onto the exhaust. Should have died in the car cuz [0:31] I…
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