The Unknowns of Motherhood

In this episode of Call Her Daddy, Alex Cooper addresses what she calls "the unknowns of motherhood" by exploring the complex, often unspoken emotions surrounding pregnancy and the transition to motherhood. She begins by establishing that becoming pregnant doesn't erase the previous 20-30 years of identity, and that women should feel no shame for mourning aspects of their former lives while simultaneously being excited about motherhood.

Cooper introduces the scientific term 'matrescence'—a parallel to adolescence that describes the massive physical, hormonal, and psychological transformation of becoming a mother. She notes that while society gives teenagers grace during their identity crisis, pregnant women and new mothers are expected to instantly become serene, selfless goddesses. Recent neuroscience research shows that pregnancy and childbirth trigger one of the most radical rapid restructurings of the human brain ever observed.

A central theme is the toxic binary society imposes on mothers: you're either a grateful goddess who never complains, or you're ungrateful, bitter, and unfit to be a mother. There is no middle ground. Cooper argues this forces women into isolation and prevents honest dialogue. She emphasizes that clinical psychological research explicitly states that ambivalence—holding two opposing emotions simultaneously—is the most normal and healthy part of entering parenthood.

Cooper discusses the physical transformation, describing pregnancy as making women feel simultaneously like superheroes (capable of creating life) and hostages in their own bodies (losing control). She explores how this impacts relationships with partners, noting that the dynamic shifts permanently as couples transition from being lovers to co-parents. She also addresses the grief of losing independence, freedom, and one's former identity, while acknowledging that this grief doesn't diminish love for the baby.

Throughout, Cooper advocates for normalizing conversations about motherhood's difficulties the way people discuss other life challenges—complaining about jobs, families, and relationships without judgment. She argues that shame thrives in silence, but when women are allowed to express both excitement and fear, the shame evaporates. She ends by reassuring listeners that having these fears and concerns indicates they actually care and are already showing up for their children.