Why the World Is Changing Faster Than You Think & How to Stop Feeling Left Behind | Mel Robbins (Fan Fav)
Mel Robbins discusses her new book 'The High Five Habit,' which teaches simple neurologically-grounded practices like self-affirmation to help people overcome self-sabotage and take action on their dreams. She explores how understanding your brain's reticular activating system, interrupting negative thought patterns, and celebrating yourself can fundamentally transform your relationship with yourself and your ability to achieve meaningful goals.
Summary
Mel Robbins returns to discuss her book 'The High Five Habit,' which combines neuroscience with practical tools for personal transformation. The core practice involves standing in front of a mirror each morning and giving yourself a high five to interrupt decades of negative self-talk and build partnership with yourself. Robbins explains that most people have aha moments about what they want but fail to take action because they don't believe they're worthy of pursuing their dreams.
Robbins shares the story of an Uber driver in Dallas with Oscar-winning ambitions but only $700 to his name, illustrating how people actively argue against their own dreams despite knowing what they want. She emphasizes that an aha moment without action means nothing—the door to your new life opens, but most people refuse to step through it.
The neurological foundation of the high five habit draws from multiple research areas. Neurobics research shows that combining physical movement with new thoughts accelerates neural pathway development. Harvard Business School research demonstrates that setting morning intentions impacts productivity, confidence, and mood. Crucially, a study of NBA teams found that those with the most high fives, fist bumps, and backpats predicted championship performance because these gestures create partnership and trust. When applied to yourself, the high five creates the same neurochemical response your brain associates with support and belief in yourself.
Robbins discusses the reticular activating system (RAS), a neural filter that blocks 99% of the world and lets in only what your brain deems important. The Zeigarnik effect means your brain will alert you to things you've marked as important. By telling yourself to look for hearts throughout your day, you train your brain to see them, proving you can change what your mind filters and therefore how you see reality. This same principle applies to negative self-talk: if you spend years saying you're a failure, your brain will filter reality to show you evidence supporting that story.
Robbins challenges the common objection that people shouldn't celebrate themselves without having 'earned' it through achievement. She argues that withholding support and celebration is exactly what prevents people from doing the hard work needed to change. Research on children showed that a simple high five outperformed other forms of praise in motivating perseverance through challenges, because a high five fulfills fundamental human needs to feel seen, heard, and acknowledged.
She addresses jealousy as a misdirected inspiration signal rather than a negative emotion to suppress. Jealousy indicates something you deeply want; instead of stewing in it, you should unpack what specifically appeals to you and use it as a roadmap for your own life, recognizing there's enough success for everyone.
Robbins emphasizes that while trauma and unfair circumstances are real, no one is coming to save you—you must take responsibility for your own healing and happiness. She uses the example of a woman in a domestic violence shelter who has nothing but uses the high five habit as an act of defiance, saying 'I still have me. I can have my own back.' Robbins stresses that responsibility is liberating because it means you're the driver of your life.
The book includes a pattern interrupt technique—when experiencing destructive self-talk or worry, you interrupt with 'I'm not thinking about that' rather than trying to replace it with an unbelievable positive mantra. Once the negative pattern is interrupted, you can eventually build meaningful mantras that feel true, like 'I'm not perfect, but I'm doing my best.'
Robbins closes with a personal story about a painting she saw in Vermont as a 21-year-old that imprinted itself on her mind. A decade later, she called the artist Gail Shepard and discovered not only that the original painting existed but that Shepard had created a sister piece that had been waiting for her. The artist offered it for $500—the exact amount Robbins had to spend. Robbins uses this story to illustrate how your mind is designed to help you get what you want if you're willing to believe it's possible.
About this episode
<p>Fan Favorite: This episode originally aired on September 28, 2021. The truth about life, success, and failure is everything depends on you. The problem is that you, and nearly every other person around, defaults to being at the mercy of the people, the environments, and unfortunate situations that mark the course of life. </p> <p><br /></p> <p>Mel Robbins is the personification of motivation on steroids packed with a high potency of raw truth. You could say she’s joining Tom to discuss her newest book, The High 5 Habit, but it’s more fitting to say she’s back to give you the kick in the ass you’ve been waiting for. Mel is not only talking about why high fiving yourself is powerful, she’s reminding you that you have a responsibility to heal yourself and do the work. While you’re chasing your dreams, understand that what the world sees as failure may just be a massive success in the timeline of your life, as has been the case for Mel Robbins. </p> <p><br /></p> <p>Order Mel’s new book, The High 5 Habit: <a href="https://www.amazon.com/High-Habit-Take-Control-Simple-ebook/dp/B096JQSWQ6%20" target="_blank">https://www.amazon.com/High-Habit-Take-Control-Simple-ebook/dp/B096JQSWQ6 </a></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>SHOW NOTES: </strong></p> <p>0:00 Introduction Mel Robbins </p> <p>1:42 | A-Ha Moments In Life </p> <p>7:20 | Why High 5 Yourself</p> <p>19:54 | Feel Worth Celebrating </p> <p>25:15 | R.A.S. Looking for Hearts </p> <p>34:59 | Powerful of Jealousy </p> <p>37:44 | Life Is Your Responsibility </p> <p>47:38 | Interrupting Destructive Worry </p> <p>51:37 | Mel’s Vermont Painting </p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Follow Mel Robbins: </strong></p> <p>Website: <a href="https://melrobbins.com/%20" target="_blank">https://melrobbins.com/ </a></p> <p>Twitter: <a href="https://twitter.com/melrobbins%20" target="_blank">https://twitter.com/melrobbins </a></p> <p>Facebook: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins/%20" target="_blank">https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins/ </a></p> <p>Instagram: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/%20" target="_blank">https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ </a></p> <p><br /></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>CHECK OUT OUR SPONSORS</strong></p> <p><strong>Vital Proteins:</strong> Get 20% off by going to <a href="https://www.vitalproteins.com" target="_blank"><u>https://www.vitalproteins.com</u></a> and entering promo code IMPACT at check out</p> <p><strong>Allio Capital: </strong>Macro investing for people who want to understand the big picture. 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Key Insights
- Robbins argues that most people know what they want but spend their energy arguing against it rather than pursuing it, making the aha moment meaningless without subsequent action.
- The author claims that a high five triggers a lifetime of positive neurochemical associations stored in the subconscious, making it impossible to simultaneously perform the gesture and engage in negative self-talk.
- Robbins argues that the most common objection to self-celebration—'I haven't done anything worthy of a high five'—reveals the core problem: people withhold the very support they need to do the work required for change.
- The author contends that the reticular activating system can be deliberately reprogrammed by telling your brain what's important to look for, meaning you can train yourself to see evidence supporting empowering beliefs instead of limiting ones.
- Robbins claims that jealousy is not a character flaw but a directional signal indicating something you genuinely want, blocked by insecurity rather than representing actual inadequacy.
- The author argues that being hard on yourself is neurochemically demotivating, while research shows empowerment, encouragement, and celebration are the most motivating forces available.
- Robbins contends that no external person or circumstance can provide the partnership and support that you can give yourself, making the relationship with your reflection foundational to all other relationships.
- The author argues that while trauma and unfair circumstances are real and not your responsibility to have caused, you do bear responsibility for your own healing because no one else can do it for you.
- Robbins claims that meaningful mantras only work when they're believable to you, which is why starting with 'I'm not thinking about that' to interrupt negative patterns is more effective than jumping to positive affirmations you don't yet believe.
- The author argues that setting a morning intention about who you're going to be that day has measurable impacts on productivity, leadership presence, confidence, and mood throughout the day according to Harvard Business School research.
- Robbins contends that dreams either get pursued or they haunt you—they never leave your subconscious once they're imprinted as important, creating lifelong regret if ignored.
- The author argues that when you understand the neurochemistry behind behavior change, you can play the game of life well, but without that understanding you'll remain stuck forever.
Topics
Transcript
Right now, I want to talk about a bet you're losing every day. Someone says something important in a meeting, a client drops an offhand comment that matters, a teammate floats a half-formed idea, but you know it's gold, and then you bet yourself the same thing every time. I'll remember that. But nine times out of 10, you lose that bet. Everybody does. Your brain wasn't built to retain 40 hours a week of dense conversation. And the cost isn't just a forgotten detail. It's the follow-up you never make, the promise that you don't keep, the connections that slip through your fingers. And Ploud is built to make sure you win that bet every time. It's an AI-powered…
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