Why Modern Men Are Lost: The Disturbing Truth | Chris Williamson (Replay)
Chris Williamson and Tom Bilyeu discuss the modern mating crisis, examining why young men are increasingly sexless, the decline of traditional masculinity, and how biological predispositions between genders are being overlooked. They explore solutions including redefining what it means to be a real man, repedestalization of motherhood, and rebuilding cultural narratives that provide meaning and community.
Summary
The conversation opens with alarming statistics: approximately 28% of men aged 18-30 reported no sexual activity in the past year as of 2018, a figure Williamson estimates may have reached 50% by 2023. This mating crisis represents what both speakers view as one of the most significant problems facing young people today.
Williamson argues that modern men have lost traditional outlets for masculinity. Ancestrally, men's roles centered on warfare and big game hunting—activities now outsourced to armies, police, and supermarkets. Without these outlets, men lack clear pathways to purpose and meaning. The conversation identifies several contributing factors: the absence of male role models, the disappearance of coming-of-age rituals, cultural messaging that frames traditional masculinity as toxic, and the proliferation of digital substitutes like pornography and video games that provide "titrated doses" of reproductive fitness cues without requiring actual effort or growth.
The discussion emphasizes biological predispositions between sexes. Men and women show innate differences in spatial reasoning, local recall, and play patterns observable from age three onwards. These differences aren't products of socialization but appear cross-culturally and even in primates. However, both speakers reject the idea of rigid, restrictive gender roles, advocating instead for modernized versions that acknowledge biological tendencies while allowing individual choice.
A critical point of focus is the education and employment gap: women now outnumber men in completing four-year college degrees by 2:1, and women aged 21-29 earn £1,111 more on average than men. This creates a mating market imbalance where high-performing women compete for a shrinking cohort of high-performing men. Importantly, the speakers emphasize this isn't women's fault—they deserve educational and career opportunities—but rather a systemic problem requiring collaborative solutions.
The concept of hypergamy—women's tendency to date across or up in status—is discussed as a ground truth similar to thermodynamic law. Women generally seek partners as educated or more educated, as wealthy or wealthier. When women out-earn men, divorce rates increase significantly: 50% more likely when women out-earn men, twice as likely when women contribute 80%+ of household income. Additionally, men in relationships where women out-earn them show 50% higher rates of erectile dysfunction, which Williamson attributes not to physical causes but to a loss of the feeling of power and conquest.
Bilyeu shares his personal philosophy on masculinity, emphasizing that real men should make women feel beautiful and safe, while women should make men feel powerful and appreciated. He describes his decision to get a tattoo as a coming-of-age ritual when getting married, scarring himself intentionally to mark the transition and ensure commitment.
The speakers discuss the cultural removal of masculine role models and archetypes from media. Where 1980s media celebrated hard-nosed fighters and muscular action heroes, modern narratives downplay traditionally masculine traits as toxic. This creates a vacuum where young boys lack aspirational figures. They reference the phenomenon of Demon Slayer outselling the entire Western comic book market combined—attributed to it being unapologetically masculine content made for boys specifically, rather than attempting to blend masculine and feminine narratives.
The conversation addresses the "black pill" ideology—an incel-adjacent philosophy claiming that looks, money, and status (LMS) are the only factors determining male attractiveness, and that without sufficient looks, improvement is futile. Both speakers reject this as a self-fulfilling prophecy that discourages hope and agency. They advocate instead for the idea that men have control over multiple variables: building wealth, developing competence, creating meaning, and contributing to community.
On solutions, Williamson proposes cultural technologies including repedestalization motherhood—treating it as a noble, important role rather than a sign of patriarchal oppression—and creating new rituals and narratives that give young men landmarks for identity construction. He argues that without grand narratives (traditionally provided by religion), both men and women drift without direction.
The speakers discuss the globalization of sexual marketplace dynamics through online dating, arguing that traditional meeting venues (work, church, gyms, communities) provided natural filters, support structures, and reduced replaceability. Online dating, by contrast, creates unlimited options and reduces commitment incentives.
The conversation concludes with a sobering demographic discussion: 70% of countries worldwide have fallen below replacement birth rates. Japan's population will decline from 125 million to 60-65 million by 2050. Both speakers argue this represents an existential risk largely ignored by society, worsened by cultural narratives framing humans as a plague on Earth. They express concern that without intervention in the next 15-20 years through cultural messaging and value systems—particularly targeting the 11-15 age group during the "age of imprinting"—Western societies will continue declining and be culturally displaced by more traditionally-oriented, higher-fertility societies.
About this episode
<p>Gender roles and equality continue to be a hot topic of discussion. As women make progress in the workplace, gender pay gaps improve, educational opportunities are getting better as women break glass ceilings. Every action has a reaction and now we’re starting to see unintended problems arise for men. There is a mating crisis stemming from the masculinity crisis that has men and women questioning what it means to be a man. </p><p><br /></p><p>Chris Williamson is a podcaster, YouTuber, and former professional party boy. His podcast Modern Wisdom is the inside journey of him learning out loud from some of the most interesting people on the planet. He’s working on his first book about the mating crisis and joining Tom in this thought provoking conversation about masculinity that doesn’t diminish femininity. With women outperforming men in education and earning more than men in 2023 while also being the gatekeepers of sex men are turning to porn and video games, while women struggle to find male partners that complement their success. </p><p><br /></p><p>Chris is very clear that this important conversation is not about putting the breaks of women, but rather solving how to put the gas on men to become worthy partners that add value, protect and preserve his relationship and family. </p><p><br /></p><p>[Original air date: 2-2-23].</p><p><br /></p><p><strong>Follow Chris Williamson: </strong></p><p>Website: https://chriswillx.com/ </p><p>Twitter: https://twitter.com/ChrisWillx </p><p>Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/chriswilliamsonlife/ </p><p> Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx/ </p><p>Podcast: https://chriswillx.com/podcast/</p><p><br /></p><p><strong>FOLLOW TOM:</strong></p><p>Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tombilyeu/</p><p>Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@tombilyeu?lang=en</p><p>Twitter: https://twitter.com/tombilyeu</p><p>YouTube: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/@TomBilyeu" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/@TomBilyeu</a></p><p><br /></p><p><strong>CHECK OUT OUR SPONSORS</strong></p><p><strong>Range Rover:</strong> Explore the Range Rover Sport at <a href="https://impacttheory.co/landroverpodAugust24" target="_blank">https://impacttheory.co/landroverpodAugust24</a></p><p><strong>Oracle:</strong> Take a free test drive of OCI at <a href="https://impacttheory.co/oraclepodAugust24" target="_blank">https://impacttheory.co/oraclepodAugust24</a> </p><p><strong>Shopify: </strong>Sign up for a $1/month trial period at <a href="https://impacttheory.co/shopifyAugust24pod" target="_blank">https://impacttheory.co/shopifyAugust24pod</a></p><p><strong>Found Banking: </strong>Sign up for Found for FREE today at <a href="https://impacttheory.co/FoundITAugustpod" target="_blank">https://impacttheory.co/FoundITAugustpod</a></p><p><strong>AG1:</strong> Get 5 free AG1 Travel Packs and a FREE 1 year supply of Vitamin D with your first purchase at <a href="https://impacttheory.co/AG1pod" target="_blank">https://impacttheory.co/AG1pod</a>.</p><p><strong>Aura:</strong> Secure your digital life with proactive protection for your assets, identity, family, and tech – Go to <a href="https://aura.com/impact" target="_blank">https://aura.com/impact</a> to start your free two-week trial.</p><p><strong>Quickbooks: </strong>Go to <a href="https://ad.doubleclick.net/ddm/trackclk/N5506.2825.5120635418521/B23183761.256918080;dc_trk_aid=451317011;dc_trk_cid=121432198;dc_lat=;dc_rdid=;tag_for_child_directed_treatment=;tfua=?https://quickbooks.intuit.com/oa/payroll/" target="_blank">Quickbooks Payroll</a> to get 50% off 3 months</p><p><strong>HubSpot: </strong>Check out <a href="https://hubspot.sjv.io/c/4792730/1001264/12893" target="_blank">HubSpot’s Starter CRM Suite</a> for FREE and get all of the essential tools, education, and support your business needs to grow efficiently! </p><p><br /></p><p><strong>What's up, everybody?</strong> It's Tom Bilyeu here. If you're serious about leveling up your life, I urge you to check out my new podcast,<a href="https://open.spotify.com/show/47VE90Cittmo6TGGFqg2xf" target="_blank"> <strong>Tom Bilyeu’s Mindset Playbook</strong></a> —<strong>a goldmine of my most impactful episodes on mindset, business, and health.</strong> Trust me, your future self will thank you.</p><p><br /></p><p><strong>LISTEN AD FREE + BONUS EPISODES on APPLE PODCASTS</strong>: <a href="http://apple.co/impacttheory" target="_blank">apple.co/impacttheory</a></p><p> </p><p>Learn more about your ad choices. Visit <a href="https://megaphone.fm/adchoices" target="_blank">megaphone.fm/adchoices</a></p><p>See Privacy Policy at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy</a> and California Privacy Notice at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info</a>.</p>
Key Insights
- Williamson estimates that approximately 50% of men aged 18-30 may now report no sexual activity in the past year, up from 28% in 2018, representing a tripling over a decade.
- Men have lost ancestral outlets for masculinity (warfare, big game hunting) which have been outsourced to institutions, leaving them without clear pathways to purpose and meaning.
- Pornography and video games provide men with just enough titrated reproductive and status cues to keep them sedated without motivating real-world action or self-improvement.
- Observable gender differences in spatial reasoning, local recall, and play patterns appear at age three, cross-culturally, and even in primates, suggesting biological rather than purely socialized origins.
- The female-to-male college completion ratio of 2:1 combined with women earning more in their 20s creates a mating market imbalance where high-performing women compete for a shrinking cohort of high-performing men.
- Hypergamy—women's tendency to date across or up in status—functions as an immutable law analogous to thermodynamics, with women three times more likely than men to reject partners less educated or employed than themselves.
- In relationships where women out-earn men, divorce rates increase 50%, and when women contribute 80%+ of household income, divorce rates double; men in such relationships show 50% higher erectile dysfunction rates.
- Male erectile dysfunction in relationships where women out-earn them is attributed by Williamson not to physical causes but to a loss of feeling powerful—suggesting psychological rather than physiological origins.
- Black pill ideology attracts followers partly because it removes personal culpability: if improvement is impossible, failure isn't one's fault, creating perverse incentives against self-improvement or 'ascending.'
- Modern online dating differs fundamentally from traditional meeting venues because it provides unlimited replacement options, reducing natural incentives for commitment and making relationships more disposable.
- Seventy percent of countries worldwide have fallen below replacement birth rates, with Japan's population projected to decline from 125 million to 60-65 million by 2050, representing an ignored existential risk.
- Bilyeu argues that the most effective age for instilling new beliefs and value systems is 11-15 years old during the 'age of imprinting,' and that only about 2% of adults change their foundational beliefs upon encountering new ideas.
Topics
Transcript
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