The Truth About the Sex Recession, Pleasure Myths & the Female Desire Gap | Emily Morse (Fan Fav)
Emily Morse discusses the 'sex recession' affecting 26% of American adults, attributing it to lack of sex education, shame-based messaging, pornography without context, and the breakdown of sexual polarity between men and women. She advocates for comprehensive sex education modeled after Dutch approaches and emphasizes five pillars of sexual intelligence: embodiment, health, self-acceptance, self-knowledge, and collaboration.
Summary
In this extensive conversation with Tom Bilyeu, sex educator Emily Morse addresses the alarming statistic that 26% of American adults had no sexual contact in 2021, with even higher rates among young people. She identifies multiple interconnected causes: pervasive shame-based sex education that frames sex as dangerous rather than pleasurable, ubiquitous pornography available to children without context or accurate sex education, and a fundamental breakdown in sexual polarity between men and women as gender roles shift.
Morse emphasizes that sexual polarity—the dynamic tension where one partner leads and the other follows—is essential for attraction and arousal. She explains this through the metaphor of magnetic poles and notes that as women enter the workforce and become more masculine-leaning in professional contexts, many struggle to access feminine energy needed for sexual attraction. She shares personal practices for cultivating feminine energy, including breathwork, pelvic floor exercises (kegels), sensory engagement, and deliberate slowness.
The conversation explores how porn consumption without sex education is particularly damaging, as young men believe pornographic depictions represent real sex while young women receive no positive messaging about their own sexuality and pleasure. Morse contrasts sex education in the Netherlands—which discusses pleasure, consent, and bodily autonomy from early childhood—with American approaches that rely on fear-based messaging about pregnancy and STIs while ignoring pleasure entirely. She notes that only 17 states require medically accurate sex education.
Morse introduces her framework of five pillars for sexual intelligence: embodiment (presence during sex), health (physical and mental wellness), self-acceptance (body confidence), self-knowledge (understanding personal arousal needs), and collaboration (communication with partners). She discusses the 'slow cooker versus frying pan' dynamic—men typically reach arousal quickly through visual stimuli while women require extended buildup involving safety, emotional connection, appropriate environment, and multiple forms of touch.
The discussion addresses misconceptions about penis size, explaining that the inner two-thirds of the vagina contain the most sensitive nerve endings and that girth matters more than length. She argues that attentiveness, focus on pleasure, and understanding a partner's needs matter far more than size. She also discusses clitoral anatomy, noting the clitoris wasn't included in medical school curricula until 1998 and contains 12,000 nerve endings compared to 4,000 in the circumcised penis.
Morse explains responsive versus spontaneous desire, noting that many women require external stimuli to trigger arousal whereas men often experience spontaneous arousal. She discusses how various factors—unresolved relationship conflict, poor diet, lack of exercise, medication side effects, childhood shame, untreated trauma—all suppress sexual desire and arousal regardless of a partner's efforts.
The conversation addresses the impact of the #MeToo movement on male behavior, noting that while accountability for harassment was necessary, the resulting messaging left many men confused and fearful about initiating sex or displaying masculine energy, contributing to the sex recession. Bilyeu and Morse discuss hypergamy—women's tendency to date across or up socially—and how rising female earning power has raised the bar for male partners while simultaneously creating confusion about the different energy required in intimate contexts versus professional ones.
They touch on AI, sex robots, and virtual reality pornography as concerning trends that may further diminish human connection and real sexual development, particularly for young people. Morse emphasizes that human touch, connection, and intimacy cannot be replicated by technology and that society needs to address the fundamental disconnection people are experiencing.
About this episode
<p>This is a Fan Fav episode. Emily Morse is the sex expert and host of the wildly popular podcast, Sex with Emily. If talking about sex is super uncomfortable and embarrassing for you, or if you can’t talk about it enough, Emily is the go to sex therapist and sex educator of this generation. Removing the shame of sex and giving people the information they need to have consensual, healthy, fulfilling sexual experiences with themselves and others is what she does best.</p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>ORIGINAL AIR DATE: 6-13-23</strong></p> <p><br /></p> <p>Emily breaks down the untold truth about sex and exposes the unsexy lies we’re told like a pro:</p> <p>*Why we’re in a sex recession</p> <p>*Messaging around sex that makes it shameful and dirty</p> <p>*How to re-educate yourself about sex, pleasure, and the power dynamic of sex between men and women</p> <p>*Myths about human sexuality told for centuries</p> <p>*Fantasies men have that sex is all about size and penetration</p> <p>*The “rubik’s cube” type complexity of female sexuality that will even shock women </p> <p>*We want you to prioritize having a healthy sex life, deeper intimacy, and stronger connections with others and yourself.</p> <p><br /></p> <p>Check out Smart Sex by Emily Morse here: <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Smart-Sex-Boost-Your-Pleasure/dp/0778387100%20" target="_blank">https://www.amazon.com/Smart-Sex-Boost-Your-Pleasure/dp/0778387100 </a></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>Follow Emily Morse:</strong></p> <p>Website: <a href="https://sexwithemily.com/%20" target="_blank">https://sexwithemily.com/ </a></p> <p>YouTube: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/sexwithemily%20" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/sexwithemily </a></p> <p>Instagram: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/sexwithemily/%20" target="_blank">https://www.instagram.com/sexwithemily/ </a></p> <p>Facebook: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/sexwithemily" target="_blank">https://www.facebook.com/sexwithemily</a> </p> <p>Twitter: <a href="https://twitter.com/SexWithEmily" target="_blank">https://twitter.com/SexWithEmily</a></p> <p><br /></p> <p><strong>CHECK OUT OUR SPONSORS</strong></p> <p><strong>Vital Proteins:</strong> Get 20% off by going to <a href="https://www.vitalproteins.com" target="_blank"><u>https://www.vitalproteins.com</u></a> and entering promo code IMPACT at check out</p> <p><strong>Allio Capital: </strong>Macro investing for people who want to understand the big picture. 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Key Insights
- Morse argues that 26% of American adults not having sex in 2021 reflects fundamental misunderstandings about sex, particularly regarding its importance for mental health, connection, and bonding beyond procreation.
- Sexual polarity—where one partner leads and one follows—is essential for attraction and arousal, and its loss due to gender role shifts may be a primary driver of the sex recession.
- American sex education emphasizes fear and danger (pregnancy, STIs, shame) while completely omitting discussion of pleasure, joy, and connection, unlike Dutch education which normalizes sexuality from early childhood.
- Morse claims only 17 states require medically accurate sex education, and pornography availability without educational context creates a dangerous gap where young people learn sexual expectations from adult entertainment rather than factual information.
- Women require extended buildup involving safety, emotional connection, appropriate environment, and multiple sensory inputs to reach arousal, whereas men typically experience rapid spontaneous arousal—a 'slow cooker versus frying pan' dynamic.
- The clitoris contains 12,000 nerve endings and sits externally, yet only 20% of women orgasm from penetration alone, suggesting penetrative sex is not the primary vehicle for female pleasure despite cultural framing.
- Morse identifies five essential pillars for sexual health: embodiment, overall health (physical and mental), self-acceptance, self-knowledge about personal arousal needs, and collaboration through communication with partners.
- Multiple factors suppress sexual desire independent of partner effort, including unresolved conflict, poor diet, lack of exercise, medication side effects, childhood shame, and untreated trauma.
- Men's fear of being perceived as toxic or predatory following #MeToo has created confusion about initiating intimacy, contributing to reduced sexual activity and leaving some men uncertain about appropriate masculine expression in intimate contexts.
- Morse argues that expanding definitions of sex beyond penetration to include eroticism, touch, and connection would address the orgasm gap and silent suffering of many women who fake orgasms.
- The clitoris was not included in medical school curricula until 1998, illustrating that scientific understanding of female sexuality is still in its infancy and inadequately researched compared to male sexuality.
- Interactive pornography, virtual reality, and sex robots represent a concerning trend toward technological substitution for human connection at a time when people already experience epidemic-level loneliness and touch deprivation.
Topics
Transcript
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