Don't Wait for the Breakdown: Why Therapy is Your Best Early Gift | Haesue Jo
Therapist Haesue Jo discusses how secure attachment styles, core beliefs, and early childhood experiences shape adult mental health, and explains why therapy is valuable preventative care for everyone—not just those in crisis. She emphasizes that while trauma isn't a person's fault, taking responsibility for one's healing journey is essential for moving forward.
Summary
In this episode of Impact Theory, host Tom Billiou interviews clinical therapist Haesue Jo about the foundational elements of mental health and personal development. Jo begins by explaining that well-adjusted, happy people typically share a secure attachment style—they believe the world is generally safe and that other people can be trusted. This contrasts with those who've developed insecure attachment patterns through difficult early experiences.
Jo explains that many people entering therapy don't realize they hold limiting core beliefs about themselves, such as 'I am unlovable' or 'I'm not worthy.' Therapy involves uncovering these internalized schemas and learning to rewrite them. However, she notes this is highly individualized work; there's no universal checklist of beliefs everyone should adopt. Instead, therapists help clients build self-efficacy, self-esteem, and resilience by examining how they show up in relationships and work, identifying patterns, and developing new skills.
A critical insight Jo emphasizes is that while traumatic events are not a person's fault, individuals are responsible for their own healing journey. Many people struggle with this concept because they've built their identity around trauma responses or because taking ownership feels overwhelming after experiencing powerlessness.
Regarding parenting, Jo stresses that presence—both physical and emotional—matters far more than material provisions. Children learn whether the world is safe based on whether caregivers reliably respond to their needs. She also highlights the importance of validating children's internal experiences rather than dismissing their feelings, and allowing them to make age-appropriate decisions to develop autonomy and confidence.
Jo explains that childhood trauma often becomes embedded in identity because young children, dependent on caregivers, assume they must deserve mistreatment—since parents are seen as infallible. This internalized shame persists into adulthood and becomes extremely difficult to shake because it feels like who the person is, not something they constructed.
On the question of whether answers exist within people or require external input, Jo clarifies that people aren't born with explicit answers but develop them through integrating external ideas with internal reflection. She advocates for therapy as a collaborative process where therapists ask questions rather than prescribe solutions, allowing clients to discover their own direction while being supported.
Finally, Jo reframes therapy as preventative mental health maintenance, comparable to dental care or vehicle maintenance, rather than emergency intervention. She argues that well-adjusted people lean on their support systems and trust others—the opposite of cultural messaging that seeking help indicates weakness.
About this episode
<p>Deciding to ask for help and get emotional support in the form of therapy is a really tough decision for many people. We’re at a time in history where millions of people are dealing with mental health challenges. We’ve seen a rise of celebrities coming out to speak on their battle with mental health to help normalize the idea that it’s okay to seek help.</p><p>Our guest this episode is a licensed therapist from <strong>BetterHelp</strong>, and she likens going to therapy to getting routine car maintenance. Waiting for your car to completely break down on the highway isn’t a great idea, and you don’t have to wait until you’re having a mental health crisis to seek help and talk to someone.</p><p>Haesue Jo, MA is a <strong>Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the current Head of Clinical Operations at BetterHelp</strong>, the world's largest online therapy service.</p><p>This conversation is dedicated to helping people like you break through the mental barriers holding you back from your best life. Haesue is clearly an expert in therapy and does a great job addressing some key points if you’ve been on the fence about talking to a therapist and getting professional help. </p><p>The way you show up for yourself, the way you parent your child(ren), the way you resolve conflicts, and even more importantly, the way you feel about yourself when you’re by yourself is all within your control. Emotional support makes it possible.</p><p><strong>Wisdom to Remember:</strong></p><p>“Generally happy and well adjusted people aren’t spending a lot of their waking moments afraid that people are out to get them…”</p><p>“Some people don’t always recognize that what’s familiar might actually be very chaotic and painful and not helpful for a future of healthy living, but it’s familiar.”</p><p>“You don’t have to be in crisis, in fact, I don’t want folks to wait until they’re in crisis to consider talking to somebody. The narrative around therapy is shifting now.”</p><p><br /></p><p><strong>Follow BetterHelp:</strong> </p><p><strong>Website:</strong> <a href="https://www.betterhelp.com/" target="_blank">https://www.betterhelp.com/</a></p><p><strong>Instagram</strong>: <a href="http://www.instagram.com/betterhelp" target="_blank">www.instagram.com/betterhelp</a> </p><p><strong>YouTube</strong>: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/betterhelp" target="_blank">www.youtube.com/betterhelp</a></p><p>Hear more episodes on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu:<a href="https://open.spotify.com/show/2Pv6X6iCwFmwGwxfrwHdfW" target="_blank"> </a><a href="https://open.spotify.com/show/1nARKz2vTIOb7gC9dusE4b" target="_blank">https://open.spotify.com/show/1nARKz2vTIOb7gC9dusE4b</a></p><p><br /></p><p>FOLLOW TOM:</p><p>Instagram:<a href="https://www.instagram.com/tombilyeu/" target="_blank"> https://www.instagram.com/tombilyeu/</a></p><p>Twitter:<a href="https://twitter.com/lisabilyeu" target="_blank"> </a><a href="https://twitter.com/tombilyeu" target="_blank">https://twitter.com/tombilyeu</a></p><p>Facebook:<a href="https://www.facebook.com/lisabilyeu" target="_blank"> </a><a href="https://www.facebook.com/tombilyeu" target="_blank">https://www.facebook.com/tombilyeu</a></p><p>YouTube:<a href="https://www.youtube.com/womenofimpact" target="_blank"> </a><a href="https://www.youtube.com/tombilyeu" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/tombilyeu</a></p><p><br /></p><p><strong><em>***Are You Ready for EXTRA Impact?***</em></strong></p><p>If you’re ready to find true fulfillment, strengthen your focus, and ignite your true potential, the Impact Theory subscription was created just for you.</p><p>Want to transform your health, sharpen your mindset, improve your relationship, or conquer the business world? 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Key Insights
- Jo argues that well-adjusted people typically have secure attachment styles characterized by trust in others and belief that the world is generally safe, whereas those with insecure attachment often developed these patterns through unreliable or harmful early caregiving
- Jo explains that many people carry internalized core beliefs like 'I am unlovable' that they don't consciously recognize until therapy helps them excavate and examine these hidden schemas
- Jo contends that while traumatic events are absolutely not a victim's fault, people often resist taking responsibility for their healing journey because it means confronting shame, redefining their identity, or losing defense mechanisms that have protected them
- Jo claims that children who experience abuse or neglect from caregivers typically blame themselves rather than their parents because they're developmentally dependent and view caregivers as infallible, leading them to internalize the belief that they deserved the mistreatment
- Jo argues that parental presence and emotional validation are more important than material provisions or perfect decision-making, and that dismissing children's expressed feelings (like 'I'm not cold') teaches them not to trust their own internal experience
- Jo states that therapy is not about therapists imposing their worldview but rather helping clients uncover their own values and direction through guided exploration, making self-discovered realizations far more impactful than direct advice
- Jo emphasizes that not all people who experience trauma develop PTSD, and protective factors like solid support systems, loving families, proper nutrition, and socioeconomic stability significantly reduce the likelihood of trauma leading to long-term mental health disorders
- Jo proposes that therapy should be approached as preventative maintenance for mental health—like dental cleanings or vehicle maintenance—rather than emergency intervention when life is falling apart, which she argues is increasingly becoming a normalized perspective
Topics
Transcript
What do you do when you come face to face with the realization that maybe I'm not the hotshot I thought I was? Whether it's a relationship hitting the rocks or a deal going south, we have all been there questioning whether this is our fault, whether we are ultimately going to be good enough to do the things we want to do. In today's episode, we cover some of these ideas and exactly how to deal with it. This episode is critical for anybody that's trying to elevate their mindset and really build a positive future. To walk us through how to build our mindset and really move forward, we have Hasu Jo, MA, clinical therapist with BetterHelp, to…
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