Don't Let Social Media Kill Your Relationship (Replay)
Tom and Lisa Bilyeu discuss social media's impact on relationships, covering rules of engagement for posting, handling phone usage, and broader relationship dynamics. They address listener questions about maintaining individual identity while being in committed relationships, managing boundaries with family members in toxic situations, and the importance of life experience before settling down.
Summary
The episode begins with Tom and Lisa discussing social media usage in their own relationship. Lisa initially felt neglected when Tom was on his phone during conversations, but they developed a system where she can request his full attention by saying "babe, I need your full attention." Tom emphasizes that they've chosen an ambitious lifestyle together, so he accommodates both his need to work and her need for connection.
Regarding social media posting rules, they discuss never posting content that shows Tom being silly, as it conflicts with his personal brand and comfort level. They emphasize the importance of asking permission before filming someone, especially if they're sensitive about appearance or circumstances. Tom notes that worldviews about what's acceptable on social media vary greatly between people, and couples should communicate rather than judge each other harshly for different social media habits.
When addressing a question from a mother of three teenagers feeling her needs are always secondary, Tom delivers strong advice: people treat you the way you let them treat you, but this must be balanced with making loved ones feel valued. He emphasizes the importance of identity work—adopting the mindset "I'm the type of person who values myself"—before setting boundaries. He recommends discussing changes with the husband first to get him as a teammate before addressing the children, then being inhumanly consistent with new boundaries despite guilt and resistance from family members.
On the topic of having friendships outside of relationships, Tom argues against relying entirely on a partner for emotional support. He emphasizes that constant negativity is unsustainable in relationships and that friendships provide joy and opportunities to do things partners may not enjoy. Lisa adds that spreading emotional needs across multiple people prevents burnout.
Regarding first love and lack of other relationship experience, Tom argues this is generally a losing strategy statistically, as people change significantly and need to develop independence before committing. He notes he would have had problems being someone's only sexual partner. Lisa counters that while experience helped her recognize what she actually wanted (and appreciated Tom's genuine kindness), she weighed the pros and cons of staying versus leaving and chose to commit without looking back.
For the question about siblings in toxic relationships, Tom distinguishes between physical/emotional abuse (where he would escalate and offer shelter) and general unhappiness in turbulent relationships (where he would play a long game—building relationship capital through consistent presence before raising concerns at emotionally receptive moments). He emphasizes patience and avoiding full frontal assaults that might alienate the person and make them defensive of their partner.
About this episode
<p>[Original Air Date: Oct 18, 2017]. Tom and Lisa answer relationship questions from the community. From how to deal with your significant other using social media, to helping a sibling in an unhealthy relationship. This episode deals with the values necessary to navigate the toughest situations in any relationship. ------------------- Tom Bilyeu is the co-founder of 2014 Inc. 500 company Quest Nutrition — a unicorn startup valued at over $1 billion — and the co-founder and host of Impact Theory.</p><p>Impact Theory is a first-of-its-kind company designed to facilitate global change through the incubation of mission-based businesses and the cultivation of empowering content. Every piece of content Impact Theory creates is meant to underscore the company mission to free people from The Matrix and help them unlock their true potential. Impact Theory exists to inspire the next generation of game-changing companies and creators that will make a true and lasting impact on the world.</p><p><br /></p><p>FOLLOW TOM BILYEU:</p><p>TWITTER: <a href="http://bit.ly/2iyjY5P" target="_blank">http://bit.ly/2iyjY5P</a></p><p>INSTAGRAM: <a href="http://bit.ly/2j7vqX8" target="_blank">http://bit.ly/2j7vqX8</a></p><p>FACEBOOK: <a href="http://bit.ly/2hPStWo" target="_blank">http://bit.ly/2hPStWo</a></p><p>SHOP: <a href="http://bit.ly/2rtRN8T" target="_blank">http://bit.ly/2rtRN8T</a></p><p><br /></p><p>FOLLOW LISA BILYEU:</p><p>INSTAGRAM @lisabilyeu: <a href="http://bit.ly/2tMtCUX" target="_blank">http://bit.ly/2tMtCUX</a></p><p>FACEBOOK.com/Lisa.Bilyeu: <a href="http://bit.ly/2rTysON" target="_blank">http://bit.ly/2rTysON</a></p><p><br /></p><p>SPONSORS:</p><p>Get 5 free AG1 Travel Packs and a FREE 1 year supply of Vitamin D with your first purchase at <a href="https://bit.ly/AG1Impact" target="_blank">https://bit.ly/AG1Impact</a>.</p><p>Right now, Kajabi is offering a 30-day free trial to start your own business if you go to <a href="https://bit.ly/Kajabi-Impact" target="_blank">https://bit.ly/Kajabi-Impact</a>.</p><p>Head to <a href="http://www.insidetracker.com/" target="_blank">www.insidetracker.com</a> and use code “IMPACTTHEORY” to get 20% off!</p><p>Learn a new language and get 55% off at <a href="https://bit.ly/BabbelImpact" target="_blank">https://bit.ly/BabbelImpact</a>.</p><p>Try NordVPN risk-free with a 30-day money-back guarantee by going to <a href="https://bit.ly/NordVPNImpact" target="_blank">https://bit.ly/NordVPNImpact</a></p><p>Give online therapy a try at <a href="https://bit.ly/BetterhelpImpact" target="_blank">https://bit.ly/BetterhelpImpact</a> and get on your way to being your best self.</p><p>Go to <a href="https://bit.ly/PlungeImpact" target="_blank">https://bit.ly/PlungeImpact</a> and use code IMPACT to get $150 off your incredible cold plunge tub today.</p><p><br /></p><p><strong><em>***Are You Ready for EXTRA Impact?***</em></strong></p><p>If you’re ready to find true fulfillment, strengthen your focus, and ignite your true potential, the Impact Theory subscription was created just for you.</p><p>Want to transform your health, sharpen your mindset, improve your relationship, or conquer the business world? 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Key Insights
- Tom argues that people treat you exactly the way you let them treat you, but this must be balanced with making the other person feel genuinely valued and loved through consistent actions
- Lisa found that having relationship experience before meeting Tom allowed her to recognize genuine kindness (like door-opening) as valuable, rather than pursuing superficial qualities she thought she wanted
- Tom claims that people often change fundamentally between high school and adulthood, making high school relationships statistically unlikely to succeed even if both people remain committed
- Tom contends that constant negativity and emotional dependency in a relationship is an ineffective strategy, even in extreme circumstances like terminal illness, and spreads emotional burden unfairly
- Lisa asserts that guilt is a major obstacle to setting boundaries with family, and requires repeated self-talk and mantras to overcome the temptation to resume old caretaking patterns
- Tom argues that intervening in a toxic family relationship requires playing a long game by building trust first rather than direct confrontation, except in cases of physical or severe emotional abuse
- Tom claims that wordviews about social media acceptability vary so dramatically between people that what seems normal to one person appears bizarre to another without anyone realizing it
- Tom contends that going into a committed relationship requires asking difficult questions upfront about fundamental characteristics or habits you may struggle with, rather than assuming you can change the person
Topics
Transcript
There she goes, our baby. Are we ready for this? You added her to your AAA auto policy. With 24-7 claim support, she's covered. Our AAA agent, you're here too? We're always here for you. Visit AAA.com slash insurance to get a quote today. You're listening to the Impact Theory Podcast. Your source of empowering ideas and actionable techniques from the world's highest achievers. Join host Tom Bilyeu, serial entrepreneur and co-founder of the billion-dollar brand Quest Nutrition, on a journey to unlock your potential and realize your vision of success. Welcome to Impact Theory. What is up, everybody? Welcome to another edition of Relationship Theory. I'm your co-host, Tom Bilyeu, and I'm here with my lovely wife, whose hair…
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