Stop Making Excuses: How to Change Your Life Right Now
Gary Vaynerchuk joins Mel Robbins to discuss overcoming fear, accountability, and taking action toward meaningful life change. He argues that people are held back primarily by fear and other people's opinions, and that the path forward requires embracing humility, practicing vulnerability through content creation, and understanding that life's regret stems from inaction rather than failure.
Summary
Mel Robbins welcomes Gary Vaynerchuk to discuss how to stop making excuses and change your life. Gary emphasizes that the primary obstacle preventing people from living fuller lives is fear, not actual limitations. He argues that people waste tremendous mental energy worrying about others' judgments while simultaneously creating mountains out of molehills about minor personal issues.
A central theme is the concept of accountability and moving beyond blame. Gary shares his mother's story—she lost her mother at age five and her father was imprisoned for ten years under Soviet rule, yet she chose optimism and joy. He contrasts this with modern people who use relatively minor childhood incidents as perpetual excuses. Gary argues that at some point (he suggests around age 25-45), people need to stop blaming parents and circumstances and take responsibility for their own lives. Mel adds that this transition happens "the moment you decide to pay for your life."
Gary identifies misunderstanding as something he experienced repeatedly (immigrant, poor student, misunderstood by teachers and parents' friends) but notes this became an advantage because early rejection made him resilient to future criticism. He argues being uncomfortable with misunderstanding is crucial—people shouldn't need everyone to understand them because subjective opinions from others can never fully capture who you are.
The conversation addresses the algorithm and social media. Gary reframes the common complaint "the algorithm showed me negativity" as a personal responsibility issue. He explains that users control what they see through their engagement choices—if someone is seeing negative content, they're following and liking negative content. The algorithm exposes who people actually are rather than creating their behavior.
On the topic of gratitude and perspective, Gary emphasizes that statistically, listeners to this podcast have won an astronomical lottery (400 trillion to one odds of existing). He argues people complaining about relatively minor inconveniences while having access to clean water, technology, and opportunity represents a failure of perspective. He criticizes the "keeping up with the Joneses" mentality and materialism as proxies people use to mask internal insecurity.
Gary discusses the importance of humility, kindness, and simplicity. He notes his greatest asset is peace of mind, not followers or money. He criticizes modern parenting for removing accountability from child-rearing and discusses how people use possessions to project false confidence rather than building genuine self-worth.
On regret, Gary introduces the concept of "I wish I..." as the three words people most want to avoid at life's end. He encourages immediate action rather than waiting for the perfect moment, and emphasizes that one decision or action can change a 30+ year trajectory.
Gary addresses the sideline hesitation—the moment before taking action when fear peaks. He shares a tennis story where verbalizing confidence and changing the energy of the situation led to comebacks, arguing that self-talk and momentum are crucial. He uses the Nike "Just Do It" tagline to highlight how the word "just" acknowledges the normal hesitation before action.
On building community, Gary explains that people shouldn't wait for local support—they can build a cheering section online by engaging with others in comment sections of content creators they admire, creating friendships and accountability partners digitally.
Regarding business and careers, Gary advises that the best approach is creating content (particularly on LinkedIn for job seekers) that demonstrates expertise and vulnerability. He argues people should lead with their embarrassments and shortcomings because that's what makes them unique and relatable. He references Eminem's 8 Mile battle rap strategy of owning your weaknesses first.
Gary argues against the word "should" in his personal philosophy—he doesn't believe he should have anything unless he's creating value. He distinguishes between working hard on something that provides value versus simply grinding without results.
On competition and envy, Gary states he genuinely celebrates others' success in his field with no sense of loss. He frames the world as abundant—one person's gain doesn't diminish another's opportunity. He criticizes the prevalence of envy and jealousy in modern culture, arguing these emotions are self-inflicted wounds.
The conversation concludes with Gary's core message: people are dramatically more capable of change than they realize, and the only thing truly stopping them is their own internal dialogue and fear of others' judgments. He advocates for a shift from looking backward (blame) to looking forward (action) and emphasizes that life can be dramatically better if people stop waiting and start doing.
About this episode
This episode is a MUST-listen. If you’ve ever felt behind, scared, stuck, or doubting yourself, you need to hit play. Today, Mel sits down with someone who has been a mentor from afar for more than 12 years. Mel says she would not be where she is today without the person sitting across from her. For more than a decade, Gary Vaynerchuk has been one of Mel’s biggest inspirations - and in this conversation, he is here to challenge you to stop making excuses and start changing your life. Gary is one of the most successful entrepreneurs and creators of his generation, a six-time New York Times bestselling author, and the force behind VaynerX, VaynerMedia, and VeeFriends. If you’ve been sitting on an idea, watching other people do the thing you want to do, worrying about what people will think, or telling yourself you’re too late, you need to hear this. Gary will challenge the way you think about fear, regret, comparison, confidence, your career, other people’s opinions, and the excuses that are keeping you stuck. You’ll learn why the people you listen to shape who you become, why your embarrassment can become your advantage, why peace of mind matters more than status, and why one action could change the entire direction of your life. Gary also shares his advice for anyone who wants to start a business, change careers, put themselves out there, or finally take the risk they’ve been thinking about for years. His message is simple: there is something you are amazing at - and the longer you sit around watching everybody else do it, the more it costs you. You’ll also learn: - What your algorithm reveals about who you are - Why you need to start living your life with your funeral in mind - The 3 words that are keeping you stuck - Gary’s #1 tip if you’re unemployed or looking for a new job - How to stop blaming your parents for your circumstances - How to build self-confidence and let go of your need to be accepted - Why peace of mind is the secret to a rich life This conversation will push you to stop waiting for the right time, stop letting other people’s opinions control your decisions, and stop living in a way that leaves you saying, “I wish I…” By the time it’s over, you’ll know exactly what you need to do next - and you’ll feel inspired to go do it. For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page. If you liked this episode, listen to this one next: What Makes a Good Life? This Study on 26,000 Regrets Will Guide You for the Rest of Your Life Mel also wants to tell you: Try the 23g protein shot I drink every single morning Join 2 million readers loving my weekly newsletter - full of tips, tools, and inspiration The Let Them Theory: read the book everyone’s talking about Watch the episodes on YouTube Connect with me on Instagram Follow the show’s Instagram for clips, behind the scenes, and more Find some daily positivity on my TikTok Want zero ads? Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes ad-free Disclaimer
Key Insights
- Gary argues that people waste enormous mental and emotional energy on 'dumb shit' and manufactured problems until something genuinely bad happens, at which point they recalibrate—he prefers people understand life's value before crisis forces recalibration.
- Gary claims that being misunderstood repeatedly throughout childhood (as immigrant, bad student, innovator in traditional environment) paradoxically became his greatest asset because it made him emotionally resilient to criticism as an adult.
- Gary asserts that the algorithm doesn't control what people see; rather, the algorithm exposes people's authentic choices and preferences, making complaints about negative content a form of self-deception.
- Gary contends that the three-word phrase 'I wish I...' represents the primary regret people experience at life's end, and that avoiding this regret requires immediate action rather than waiting for perfect conditions.
- Gary argues that modern parenting over the last 30-40 years removed accountability from child-rearing, which created a generation that uses victimhood narratives and external blame as justification for inaction.
- Gary claims that people use material possessions and status symbols as proxies to hide insecurity rather than building genuine self-confidence, anchoring their self-worth in others' opinions they can never control.
- Gary states that his greatest source of value and power is not his followers, businesses, or money, but rather his peace of mind—his knowing who he is without external validation.
- Gary argues that vulnerability and owning one's shortcomings in public (through content) is the inverse of what people fear; by taking control of their embarrassments, people eliminate the power others have to use those things against them.
- Gary contends that the word 'should' is fundamentally disempowering and that he operates instead on cause-and-effect logic: if he's not working effectively to create value, he shouldn't receive rewards.
- Gary claims that envy and jealousy are self-inflicted emotional wounds created by comparing oneself to others, and that celebrating others' success is both emotionally healthier and logically sound because the world contains abundant opportunity.
- Gary argues that at approximately age 25-45, people transition from blaming parents and circumstances to taking full accountability for their lives, and this transition point represents a critical psychological threshold.
- Gary asserts that the hesitation before action ('the just' in 'just do it') is normal and universal, and that verbalizing confidence and changing one's internal energy can shift momentum and outcomes in real-time situations.
Topics
Transcript
Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I am so excited that you're here with me today because I'm going to introduce you to somebody who has had a profound impact on my life. 12 years ago, I started posting on social media ago, I started posting on social media as a 46-year-old woman because of one human being. His name, Gary Vaynerchuk. I would not be the person I am today. I would not have written the five-second rule, the high-five habit, the let them theory. I wouldn't have started this podcast. And I probably wouldn't have gotten out of $800,000 worth of debt if it were not for Gary Vaynerchuk. Now, if you…
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