How to Eliminate Self-Doubt, Overcome Failure, & Reset Your Mind for Success
Benny Blanco, a 12-time Grammy-nominated producer with 29 number-one hits, discusses how to overcome self-doubt and failure by emphasizing the importance of starting immediately, maintaining consistency despite rejection, and balancing three key life areas. He shares personal stories about his unconventional path to success, including his 15-year fear of flying and how he overcame it, while stressing that failure is inevitable and essential to achieving goals.
Summary
Mel Robbins interviews Benny Blanco about eliminating self-doubt, overcoming failure, and achieving success. Blanco emphasizes that success requires consistently showing up, even when motivation is absent. He came from humble beginnings in Virginia with no famous parents, money, or special talents, but achieved massive success through sheer determination and willingness to work harder than others.
Blanco explains that people hesitate to start because they fear embarrassment and failure, but he operates with "failure amnesia"—he forgets about failures and moves forward, allowing others to forget them too. He demonstrates this by holding up a board with "failure" written on it, then wiping it clean to show that dwelling on past failures serves no purpose.
A major theme is that doing something and not doing something are both hard, so one might as well pursue meaningful goals. Blanco discusses how he waited outside recording studios as a child, cold-called record labels using deceptive tactics, and built relationships that lasted decades. He built a career on showing up to rooms and finding opportunities, whether physical or digital.
Blanco shares his journey to becoming a solo artist, which took approximately two years and involved numerous setbacks with his song "Eastside" featuring Halsey and Khalid. Despite months of delays, label complications, and moments of wanting to quit, he persisted and eventually achieved the longest climb to number one in radio history.
He discusses his 15-year fear of flying, which began in 2009 after two traumatic flights. Instead of flying, he drove cross-country, took trains, buses, and even a seven-and-a-half-day boat ride with Ed Sheeran to London. Recently, to practice what he preaches about facing fears, he flew for this book project, though he remains scared and plans to take another boat to Europe soon.
Blanco introduces the "three-legged stool" concept of life success: three essential areas (such as career, relationships, and health) must all be strong. If one leg is weak or missing, life becomes unstable and unsustainable, even if other areas are thriving.
Regarding relationships, Blanco describes creating a detailed list with his therapist of non-negotiable qualities in a partner: age-appropriate, kind and caring, generally happy upon waking (or actively addressing sadness), and other broad characteristics. This intentional approach led him to recognize that Selena Gomez, whom he'd known for 15 years through work and casual friendship, was the right partner when the timing finally aligned. He emphasizes that timing and personal readiness matter significantly in relationships.
Blanco stresses that talent is less important than work ethic and persistence. He claims he has no special talents or exceptional physical appearance, yet achieved extraordinary success through determination. He advocates for starting immediately on goals without waiting for perfect conditions, perfect tools, or permission from others.
About this episode
In this episode, you’ll learn how to stop doubting yourself and get anything you want in life. Mel is thrilled to introduce you to her incredible guest today – someone she’s admired and followed for years, and who is here today for YOU. Benny Blanco is one of the most successful and sought-after music producers and songwriters in the world and one of the defining hitmakers of the 21st century. Benny is a 12-time Grammy-nominated songwriter and producer with 29 #1 hits and 19 songs that have over a billion streams on Spotify. But, Benny didn’t start his impressive career with everything figured out. He didn’t grow up with money, some magical level of confidence, or everything figured out. He built his career by showing up, failing, getting rejected, trying again, and learning through experience. Today, Benny reveals what most people never see: the rejection, the fear, the self-doubt, and the countless moments when everything could have fallen apart. And he will show you the life-changing tools and strategies that have helped him push through nonstop rejection and setbacks. Benny has also written a fantastic brand-new book called “F*ck Failure” – which happens to be exactly the message he’s here to share with you today: Every single failure is leading you somewhere, even if you can’t see it right now. Your life can look entirely different a year from now. If you want the dream job, true love, unshakeable confidence, better friendships, or more happiness, Benny wants you to know there’s one rule: Keep showing up. In this episode, you’ll learn: -The simple mindset shift Benny uses to erase failure and keep moving -Why you’re only one small move away from changing your life for the better -Why waiting to feel ready is a losing game -The wild story behind a #1 hit that almost never happened, and why it proves you can’t give up -How to stop letting self-doubt make your decisions -How to keep showing up when you’re exhausted, embarrassed, or convinced you have no idea what you’re doing -How to face the fears you’ve been avoiding for years -How a list Benny made before he started dating his wife, Selena Gomez, can help you stop settling in your own life This conversation will make you rethink every failure, every rejection, and every excuse you have been using to stay stuck. As Benny will show you, failure doesn’t have to break you. It’s the very thing that can make you unstoppable. If he can turn his failures into hits, you can turn yours into the life you’ve been wanting to live. For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page. If you liked the episode, check out this one next: A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want Mel also wants to tell you: Try the 23g protein shot I drink every single morning Join 2 million readers loving my weekly newsletter - full of tips, tools, and inspiration The Let Them Theory: read the book everyone’s talking about Watch the episodes on YouTube Connect with me on Instagram Follow the show’s Instagram for clips, behind the scenes, and more Find some daily positivity on my TikTok Want zero ads? Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes ad-free Disclaimer
Key Insights
- Blanco argues that people stop themselves from pursuing goals primarily through fear of embarrassment, not through actual inability to succeed.
- Blanco claims that if you forget about failure and move forward, others will forget about it too, making dwelling on past failures counterproductive.
- Blanco contends that the skill of success is not starting and gradually finding it easier, but rather continuing to show up for decades while it remains hard.
- Blanco asserts that both taking action and avoiding action are difficult, so individuals might as well pursue meaningful goals since difficulty is inevitable either way.
- Blanco maintains that he achieved massive success despite having no special talents, no famous parents, no connections, and no exceptional appearance—attributing success purely to work ethic.
- Blanco claims that most people quit when they hit a metaphorical brick wall, but successful people persist by running through barriers even at risk of injury.
- Blanco argues that showing up in rooms—whether physical recording studios or digital social media spaces—creates opportunities simply by being present and visible.
- Blanco contends that the turning point in his career came when he stopped waiting for others to discover him and became the artist himself, rather than just a behind-the-scenes producer.
- Blanco maintains that fear of flying, despite being irrational and stupid, is legitimate and real, and he still experiences it even after forcing himself to fly.
- Blanco argues that a person cannot truly fail as long as they continue trying, because quitting is the only way failure becomes permanent.
- Blanco claims that having three balanced life areas (such as career, relationships, and health) is essential for stability, and neglecting any one area destabilizes the entire life.
- Blanco asserts that creating an intentional list of non-negotiable partner qualities—rather than pursuing chemistry or surface attraction—led him to recognize his ideal match, Selena Gomez, when timing aligned after 15 years of acquaintance.
Topics
Transcript
Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. You pressed play on this episode for a reason. It's because you're tired. You're tired of doubting yourself and talking yourself out of the things that you want. Tired of letting fear make your decisions for you. Well, have you picked the right episode to listen to? Because our incredible guest today is going to look you in the eye and tell you, if you want your life to look and feel different a year from now, you want the dream job, true love, unshakable confidence, better friendships, more happiness, there's one rule. confidence, better friendships, more happiness, there's one rule. Keep showing up. Benny Blanco is a…
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