Body Language Expert: 6 Psychological Tricks to Turn Awkwardness into Confidence
Vanessa Van Edwards, a behavioral researcher at Harvard, discusses six psychological tricks using body language and communication patterns to build confidence and become more influential. She emphasizes managing social and work energy, understanding likability through genuine connection, and optimizing productivity by focusing on work you excel at (A work) while delegating the rest.
Summary
The episode features Mel Robbins interviewing Vanessa Van Edwards about habits of high achievers and how to transform awkwardness into confidence through body language and behavioral cues. Van Edwards introduces the concept of distinguishing between social energy (energy spent on interpersonal interactions) and work energy (energy spent on tasks), emphasizing that highly effective people are assertive about both. She stresses the importance of eliminating ambivalent relationships and tasks—those that are neither loved nor hated—as these drain more energy than clearly negative or positive ones. The most liked people don't necessarily have impressive qualities; rather, they actively like more people and show it authentically through micro-moments of acknowledgment. Van Edwards demonstrates specific body language cues that communicate confidence: maintaining distance between ear lobes and shoulders (rather than hunching), keeping arms visible and away from the body to claim space, and using purposeful hand gestures like steeples (fingertips touching, palms apart). She explains that these cues work because they're evolutionarily rooted—they signal whether we're protecting vulnerable areas or claiming territory. The transcript includes extensive discussion of how words and labels shape behavior through the Pygmalion effect, where positive expectations become self-fulfilling. She presents research showing that priming people with words like 'community game' versus 'Wall Street game' changes their behavior, and that achievement-oriented words increase motivation and task engagement. Van Edwards recommends replacing autopilot conversation starters ("How are you?" "What do you do?") with questions like "What's been good?" and "Working on anything exciting?" that break scripts and trigger genuine connection. For networking, she reveals research showing that standing near room entrances produces short awkward conversations, while positioning yourself near the drink station exit—where people are settled and ready—creates longer, more meaningful interactions. The episode culminates in the ABCD productivity framework: A work is what you excel at and love; B work is what you're competent but not exceptional at; C work is average performance; D work is where you underperform. Van Edwards argues that high achievers optimize A work, delegate or learn from B work, and acknowledge (not eliminate) C and D work. She emphasizes that successful people enjoy both the means and ends of their goals, avoiding 'if-then' happiness statements that delay satisfaction until achievement.
About this episode
Do you want to know how to talk to anyone with ease and confidence? In this episode, you will learn science-backed psychological tricks to be more successful, charismatic, and influential today. Today, Mel is bringing back one of the most tactical and empowering conversations ever on The Mel Robbins Podcast, with a brand-new introduction and new insights for right now. Vanessa Van Edwards is a behavioral researcher, bestselling author, and the founder of Science of People, a behavior lab that studies high achievers and the science of confidence, charisma, communication, and body language. She also teaches at Harvard University’s Professional and Executive Development program. Her research shows that your body is communicating before you ever say a word. And with a few simple changes, you can start showing up with more confidence immediately. You’ll learn exactly what to do with your shoulders, your hands, your voice, and even where you stand in a room so you feel less awkward and more powerful. You’ll also learn why some conversations feel effortless while others fall flat, how highly influential people communicate differently, and the small psychological cues that can help you connect with almost anyone. In this episode, you’ll learn: -The best place to stand at a networking event if you do not know anyone -Why standing near the entrance is one of the worst places to meet people -The conversation starter that never works -How where you sit at work can boost - or hurt - your productivity -The A-B-C-D exercise that can help you work with your strengths, protect your energy, and prevent burnout Whether you want to become a better leader, make new friends, land the job, or simply feel more confident in the moments that matter, you’ll leave this episode with practical tools you can start using immediately. For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page. If you liked the episode, check out this one next: How to Talk to Difficult People: Proven Strategies to Stop Arguments & Feel Connected Again Connect with Mel: Order Mel’s product, Pure Genius Protein Get Mel’s newsletter, packed with tools, coaching, and inspiration. Get Mel’s #1 bestselling book, The Let Them Theory Watch the episodes on YouTube Follow Mel on Instagram The Mel Robbins Podcast Instagram Mel's TikTok Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes ad-free Disclaimer
Key Insights
- Van Edwards argues that ambivalent relationships—those you're unsure about—drain more energy than explicitly toxic relationships because they create ongoing doubt and cognitive overhead.
- Research Van Edwards cites shows that the most liked and popular people don't share common traits like athleticism or humor, but rather have the longest list of people they like, suggesting likability is about how you view others rather than how others view you.
- Van Edwards claims that authentic smiling triggers mood improvement in observers, while fake smiling produces no mood change, demonstrating that genuine positivity is more contagious than performative positivity.
- Van Edwards presents research indicating that people subconsciously point their toes toward the most important person in a room, making toe direction a reliable indicator of where influence and attention are focused.
- Van Edwards argues that the distance between ear lobes and shoulders directly affects perceived confidence, vocal power, and felt safety through evolutionary protection instincts, with hunched shoulders signaling vulnerability.
- Van Edwards claims that single words used in calendar invites and meeting titles (like 'community game' vs 'Wall Street game') measurably change how people behave and share resources without any other context changes.
- Van Edwards presents research showing that people who stood near room exits after getting drinks had significantly longer conversations and exchanged more business cards than those who approached people near entrances.
- Van Edwards argues that visible hands and purposeful gestures communicate 400% more information than words alone, making hand visibility and intentional gesturing critical to conveying confidence and conviction.
- Van Edwards claims that highly effective people are not busy-competing but rather assertive about saying no to tasks and relationships that drain their specific energy type, preventing burnout while maintaining productivity.
- Van Edwards presents research indicating that sitting within 25 feet of a high performer improves your own performance by 15%, while proximity to low performers decreases performance by 30%, making performance contagious.
- Van Edwards argues that people who were told they smelled fear sweat from skydivers showed fear activation in their brains even without knowing the sweat's source, suggesting humans unconsciously transmit and catch emotional states through chemical and nonverbal cues.
- Van Edwards claims that highly successful people all have some form of personal quest or meaningful long-term goal, and that meaning derived from the process—not just the achievement—prevents burnout and creates sustained happiness.
Topics
Transcript
Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. Oh my gosh, you are going to love this episode today, because today you're going to learn how to use body language and six psychological tricks that can help you turn awkwardness, shyness, self-doubt, insecurity into confidence. And you will love our expert today because she is a behavioral researcher. She teaches at Harvard University's Professional and Executive Development Program. She's a New York Times bestselling author, and she spent two decades sharing what you're about to learn today. Her research proves that your body is communicating something before you ever say a word. And when you understand how to use your body to communicate the right things,…
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