‘I’m good, I promise’: the loneliness of the low-ranking tennis player

Conor Nyland shares his memoir of seven years spent competing on tennis's lower-tier professional circuits, primarily the Futures Tour. Starting at age 3 and turning professional despite wanting to quit at 10, Nyland describes the grueling reality of pursuing tennis glory while ranked around 129 in the world. The piece opens with a exhausting September 2005 schedule in Switzerland, where despite winning two tournaments, his mother insisted he continue to Edinburgh for his 24th match in five weeks, earning just $480 before tax. Nyland explains tennis's three-tier hierarchy: the ATP Tour for top 100 players, the Challenger Tour for players ranked 100-300, and the Futures Tour described as 'tennis's vast netherworld' and 'a circle of hell.' He contrasts his experience with glimpses of the top tier, recounting watching Andre Agassi at an ATP event in San Jose, where tournament organizers eagerly attended to Agassi's every need. This led Nyland to observe that while all tennis players experience loneliness, he would have preferred 'Agassi's kind of loneliness.' The piece explores how world ranking determines every aspect of a player's experience - who they play, where they play, and their social status on tour. Nyland describes encountering young Grigor Dimitrov, who was initially friendly and eager to practice together, but became increasingly distant as his ranking improved and he eventually ignored Nyland completely after reaching the top 20. Life on the Futures Tour meant constant uncertainty about match times, difficulty finding practice partners, and crushing boredom in remote locations. Nyland would sleep late to minimize conscious hours, watch endless BBC news loops, and rarely sightseeing despite traveling to exotic locations. The uncertainty extended to not knowing when losses would occur, forcing players to constantly book new flights and accommodations. Finding practice partners was particularly challenging at lower levels, with Nyland once desperately opening with 'I'm good, I promise' when asking for a hitting session. He describes warming up alone against a wall before a final in Switzerland, contrasting this with his sister's professional documentary where she had proper warm-up partners. The tour attracted eccentric characters like Johnny Blaze (John Valenti), who spent over a decade never earning a single ATP ranking point, lived in a converted school bus, and made YouTube videos about his determination to overcome his lack of natural talent. The most unfortunate were talented players from their home countries who remained ranked 300-600, good enough to maintain hope but not good enough to advance. Nyland's travel experiences included a harrowing seven-hour taxi ride through Uzbekistan after missing connecting flights, only to lose in the first round and earn zero ranking points. After seven years on tour, he made virtually no lasting friendships despite encountering hundreds of players living similar experiences.