Unlearn What You Have Been Taught About Self-worth | E'zoza Chorshanbiyeva | TEDxTermez PS Youth

E'zoza Chorshanbiyeva opens with a personal story about her 12th birthday, when she received a pink dress from her father. After wearing it to school and receiving both a compliment and a harsh critique from a 'fashion queen,' she felt so ashamed that she hid all her pink clothes and stopped wearing her favorite color — illustrating how easily external opinions can override our internal sense of worth. She connects this to a broader modern phenomenon: seeking validation through social media likes and reactions, and feeling diminished when that validation doesn't come.

She then introduces the central theme: that society, family, and peers quietly teach us false rules about what makes a person 'enough,' and that most people accept these rules without questioning them. She outlines three specific false beliefs she intends to debunk.

The first false belief is that criticism means you are not enough. Chorshanbiyeva argues that most criticism is a projection of the critic's own insecurities. She cites a YouTube influencer's story about a girl who left harsh comments on celebrities' posts because she felt jealous and inadequate — criticism as a way to drag others down to one's own emotional level. She also explains the neuroscience behind why criticism sticks: the human brain treats familiarity as truth. Repeated negative messages begin to sound like facts. Her solution is not forced positivity — saying 'I'm perfect' when the brain doesn't believe it — but believable cognitive replacement: shifting from 'this criticism defines me' to 'this is just an opinion, not my reality.'

The second false belief is that applause signals you are doing the right thing, and its absence means failure. She illustrates this with a school assembly story where a boy instructed his peers not to clap for a group simply because he disliked the group's leader — causing a genuinely impressive poster to receive barely any recognition. She references social psychology research on 'social contagion,' where people clap because others are clapping, not because they've evaluated the work. The key reframing question she poses is: 'Would I still choose this even if no one clapped?'

The third false belief is that other people's opinions are fully informed and therefore accurate measures of your worth. She argues that every person carries a story made of chapters no one else has read — struggles, doubts, and efforts that are invisible to outside observers. Critics see only one moment or one version of you, which is insufficient to judge your full identity or value.

In her conclusion, Chorshanbiyeva draws on Beverly Angel's book 'Nice Girl Syndrome' to discuss how perfectionism develops in people raised with constant correction, creating an inner critical voice that whispers doubt. She argues that when you accept that your worth is self-defined, that inner voice loses its power and is replaced by a kinder, steadier one. She closes by urging the audience to protect their peace, honor their journey, and reclaim the pen that writes their own identity.