Courage, Curiosity, and Connection | Katherine Polsinelli | TEDxMurfreesboro

Katherine Polsinelli opens with a vivid and vulnerable moment in her kitchen, where she found herself in a heated confrontation with her 14-year-old son and realized her body language had shifted from that of a mother to someone preparing to fight. This moment of self-recognition was a turning point — she saw she was recreating the same cycle of behavior she had spent years trying to protect her children from.

Polsinelli then reveals the context behind that moment: she became a single mother at 16 and spent a decade in an abusive relationship. When she finally left, she expected relief, but instead encountered a new kind of suffering rooted in self-judgment. Despite being called brave and strong by others, she felt none of those things, and instead pretended to have it all together while privately falling apart. She began comparing herself to seemingly happy families, treating them as evidence of her own failure.

Through her healing journey — which included books, podcasts, and courses on trauma — Polsinelli came to understand that self-judgment doesn't stay contained. It leaks outward and poisons relationships. She heard a quote on a podcast: 'Be careful how you judge others because what you judge outward, you also judge within,' which she found deeply resonant. She also explains that the brain fills gaps in information with fear-based, judgment-laden stories, but argues that people have the ability to interrupt and correct those thoughts with intentional, compassionate self-talk.

This led her to develop her three-part framework: Courage, Curiosity, and Connection. She defines courage not as strength — which she says she often lacked entirely — but as a choice: the willingness to face adversity, fear, or uncertainty. For her, courage meant being honest with her sons about her faults, stopping the pretense of perfection, and sharing her story with the director of a local domestic violence center. When she began to minimize her experience by comparing it to others who 'had it worse,' the director stopped her and reminded her that her story was her own.

Curiosity, the second element, involves choosing to truly listen rather than assume. Polsinelli describes how she used to think she was listening while actually just filling in blanks with assumptions. By asking clarifying questions instead of reacting from pre-formed narratives, she found she could move out of judgment and into genuine understanding.

Connection, the third element, emerges when courage and curiosity work together. Polsinelli illustrates this through her work with law enforcement on domestic violence awareness. When she shared the full, unfiltered truth of her experience — including the parts she was ashamed of — officers leaned in without judgment and sought to understand rather than just respond. She argues that this kind of connection bridges the gap in fractured information and opens doorways to new perspectives.

Polsinelli closes by challenging the audience to apply the three C's in at least one conversation during the week, and to begin noticing and correcting their own self-judgments. She frames the entire talk around the idea that meaningful change — personal and societal — begins with a choice to face difficulty with courage.