This is the Best Way to Get Revenge | Official Preview
Ryan Holiday discusses Stoic philosophy as a practical guide for maintaining personal integrity and refusing to be corrupted by external circumstances. The core message is that the best revenge is controlling yourself rather than retaliating against enemies, exemplified through historical figures like Seneca who served under the tyrannical Nero.
Summary
This preview explores how Stoic philosophy teaches the importance of self-command in the face of chaos and injustice. Ryan Holiday uses the example of Marcus Aurelius—the most powerful person in the world—writing private reflections to himself while dealing with anxiety, health problems, marital issues, wars, plagues, and floods. The philosophy teaches that allowing external negativity to corrupt your character means the wrongdoer has won.
Holiday emphasizes that corruption and decline are not new; historical figures like Seneca worked under corrupt leadership (Nero) while maintaining philosophical integrity. The key insight is that revenge plotting wastes energy and makes one appear foolish, while the real victory comes from not becoming like your enemy.
The discussion extends to ego's role in perpetuating grudges—ego centers everything around oneself, making personal slights feel monumental. A therapist's observation is shared: those who wrong you likely aren't thinking about you at all. The speakers acknowledge that experiencing mortality and fragility shifts perspective, revealing that family and the example you set matter infinitely more than petty grievances.
The transcript concludes with discussion of parental influence, noting that children absorb values through observation of parental behavior rather than direct instruction. The philosophical position is that leading by example and maintaining integrity regardless of circumstances is the ultimate form of strength.
Key Insights
- If you allow the negativity and shittiness around you to make you feel shitty and worse, to be shitty in response, then your opponent is winning—the real victory is maintaining your character
- Seneca, one of history's most famous Stoics, served under Nero, arguably the worst leader of all time, demonstrating that corruption and hypocrisy are not new problems and that philosophy was developed precisely to handle such circumstances
- Planning revenge and dwelling on how to harm someone who wronged you is a complete waste of energy that only makes you look foolish, whereas the best revenge is to not become like your enemy
- When people experience proximity to death or recognize their own mortality, petty grievances lose relevance and they realize the only things that matter are family relationships and the example they set
- Children don't necessarily listen to direct instruction about values, but they are always watching and will deduce your actual values from how you live your life and treat all people
Topics
Transcript
[0:00] He says, "Let the boy be human." If what you allow is the shittiness of what's happening around you to make you feel shitty and worse to be shitty, they are winning. The Stokes would say the greatest empire is like command of yourself. Here you have the the private thoughts of the most powerful person in the [0:30] world. He's has a temper. He has anxiety. He has a shitty job with people he can't trust and an empire that's coming apart. And he has health problems. He has marital problems. He has a plague. There's floods. It's uh a series of endless wars. And what he's doing is sitting down and writing to himself, trying to get…
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