How Can I Make Your Life Easier? [48]
SE leaders should prioritize building peer relationships by first understanding what stakeholders need before introducing processes or solutions. The key is deferring your perspective until you've earned credibility through genuine listening, then using that foundation to address inefficiencies and drive alignment.
Summary
This episode focuses on a critical but often-neglected responsibility of first-line SE leaders: building effective peer relationships with sales leaders, cross-functional partners, and other SE leaders. The hosts present a common pitfall: SE leaders present processes and solutions (like routing documents or intake forms) without first understanding what stakeholders actually need. This approach fails because stakeholders perceive it as adding work rather than removing it.
The recommended alternative is a two-phase approach. Phase one involves asking one simple question: "What do you need? How can I make your life easier?" This is purely listening mode, no agenda. Only after understanding their perspective (in a second meeting) does the SE leader earn credibility to offer their own viewpoint and suggest process improvements. The hosts emphasize that most leaders invert this sequence, leading sales teams to avoid them.
They discuss creating two lists: people you need to be successful, and people who need you (though they may not realize it yet). The latter list is more revealing and provides better starting points for peer conversations. The episode includes a specific example about a product manager who hasn't been approached—the SE leader can open a conversation by offering what their team knows (customer insights) rather than asking for features.
For peer SE leader relationships, the hosts note that recurring calls only work if they're built around a concrete shared problem (fixing RFP handoffs, building a demo library). Generic "let's stay connected" calls fail by week six. Someone must own the agenda. Additionally, if no platform exists for cross-organizational sharing, the SE leader should start one informally with two people rather than waiting for a top-down initiative.
A critical caveat: the listening phase is a means to credibility, not an end itself. Some leaders confuse relationship building with indefinite conflict avoidance, never transitioning to phase two where they have something difficult to say.
About this episode
Nate noticed that new SE managers introduce themselves to sales by explaining the presales process, and it builds resistance before anything else happens. He and Ava work out what to open with instead, and how to map the counterparts you actually need.
Key Insights
- SE leaders typically fail because they present solutions and processes before understanding what stakeholders actually need, causing leaders to perceive added work rather than help.
- The hosts argue that credibility comes from listening first—deferring your own perspective until a second conversation—and only then have the standing to propose process improvements and push back on inefficiencies.
- Peer relationships among SE leaders only sustain if built around a concrete shared problem (like fixing RFP handoffs); generic recurring calls die quickly because there's no accountability structure.
Topics
Transcript
Hey there and welcome to Leading Pre-Sales, the show for solution engineering leaders who want to build teams that drive revenue and not just demos. My name is Tim and I'm the co-founder of SE Rockstars and together with Jan, we've coached over 350 solution engineers and their leaders across several dozens of companies. Every conversation you hear on this show is based on real coaching situations, real challenges, real problems that as leaders like you are dealing with right now. None of this is made up. We use AI to bring these stories to life through our two hosts, Nate and Ava. But the insights come straight from the trenches. Each episode gives you one actionable takeaway you can…
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