The Psychology of Positive Habits | Jon Gordon
Jon Gordon discusses his book "The Power of Positive Habits" and shares personal stories about how understanding and healing deep wounds has shaped his leadership and relationships. He emphasizes that our habits define us, and that recognizing patterns—especially controlling behaviors stemming from childhood abandonment and powerlessness—is crucial for personal growth and authenticity.
Summary
Jon Gordon, bestselling author of 33 books including "The Power of Positive Habits," sits down with Dr. Michael Gervais on the Finding Mastery podcast to explore the intersection of habits, healing, and personal transformation. Gordon's journey began during a crisis in his marriage and career when his wife threatened to leave if he didn't change. Rather than seeking immediate transformation, Gordon discovered that a simple practice—taking a "thank you walk" daily and practicing gratitude aloud—shifted his entire life trajectory.
Gordon emphasizes that "you are your habits," and that choosing positive habits can fundamentally alter one's life. His book compiles 93 habits he's collected and practiced over decades, organized into practical categories. However, the conversation goes deeper than surface-level habit implementation. Gordon and Gervais discuss the critical distinction between who we are in our normal state, our need state, and our stress state—drawing on the Berkman framework.
A significant portion of the discussion focuses on Gordon's ongoing work with his own wounds. He shares a vulnerable story about his controlling behavior regarding his family's food and health choices while traveling in Italy. Through self-reflection and honest family conversations, Gordon realized his controlling nature stemmed from childhood experiences of powerlessness—his biological father left when Gordon was one year old, and he never felt safe or in control growing up. This unhealed wound manifested as a need to control his family's choices decades later. Gordon apologized to his family, acknowledged this as his worst habit, and released it entirely, describing the experience as feeling "free."
Gordon and Gervais discuss how in marriages and relationships, triggers are typically about oneself, not one's partner. When Gordon's wife leaves dishes in the sink, his irritation stems from his need for order and control, not from her behavior. They explore the concept of self-disclosure in professional relationships, with Gervais explaining how therapists should reveal their own growth work to create authenticity and connection rather than the illusion of perfection.
The conversation covers practical habits including gratitude practices, morning routines with sunlight exposure for cortisol management, visualization of highlight reels, the principle of "connect before you correct" in leadership, and the concept of "making the pie bigger" rather than competing for one's own piece. Gordon discusses his methodology for habit implementation, noting that people need to pick "sticky" habits and commit to 30-day practice periods. He shares how his mastermind circle and team have noticed his intentional growth work as a leader, even when it means pulling his own books off the shelf to remember his own advice during stressful moments.
Gordon's healing process isn't through formal therapy recently, but through prayer, self-discovery, writing, and paying attention to life patterns and relationships as his primary feedback mechanisms. He believes adversity and challenges reveal wounds that need healing, and that what we uncover will be covered with grace, while what we try to hide will eventually surface. The ultimate habit Gordon presents is "create an amazing funeral"—living intentionally each day to impact others so that when people gather to celebrate one's life, they have meaningful stories of legacy and influence to share.
About this episode
<p><em>This is a conversation about habits, the ones you want to build and the ones you want to get rid of.</em></p><p><strong>Jon Gordon</strong> has written more than 30 books on leadership, habits and mindset. Recently he called his daughter and asked which of his own habits was the worst. She said simply: you're controlling.</p><p>She was confirming something he had already come to see. Jon traces that habit of control back to a father who left when he was a year old, and to a feeling of powerlessness he thought he'd already healed. In reality, he still had more work to do. </p><p>Jon's most recent book is titled <em>The Power of Positive Habits</em>, and it tackles a critical issue so many of us face - how do I break the habits that no longer serve me, and how do I build ones that will help me flourish? </p><p>This is a conversation about self-awareness, self-challenge, and how to build practical habits, like gratitude, visualization, and something Jon calls the habit before the habit. </p><p><strong>Links & Resources</strong></p><p>Learn more about Jon here: <a href="https://jongordon.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://jongordon.com/</a></p><p><strong>Subscribe</strong> to our Youtube Channel for more conversations at the intersection of high performance, leadership, and wellbeing: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/c/FindingMastery" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/c/FindingMastery</a></p><p><strong>Get exclusive</strong> discounts and support our amazing sponsors!</p><p><strong>Go to:</strong> <a href="https://findingmastery.com/sponsors/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://findingmastery.com/sponsors/</a></p><p><strong>Subscribe</strong> to the Finding Mastery newsletter for weekly high performance insights: <a href="https://www.findingmastery.com/newsletter" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.findingmastery.com/newsletter</a></p><p><strong>Download</strong> Dr. Mike’s Morning Mindset Routine: <a href="https://www.findingmastery.com/morningmindset" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">findingmastery.com/morningmindset</a></p><p><strong>Follow</strong> on <a href="https://www.youtube.com/findingmastery" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">YouTube</a>, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/findingmastery/?hl=en" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Instagram</a>, <a href="https://www.linkedin.com/in/drmichaelgervais/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">LinkedIn</a>, and <a href="https://x.com/michaelgervais" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">X</a></p><p><strong>Jon Gordon’s Books: </strong><em>The Power of Positive Habits, The Energy Bus, The Power of Positive Leadership, The Power of a Positive Team, The One Truth, The Coffee Bean, and The Hard Hat</em></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>See Privacy Policy at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy</a> and California Privacy Notice at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info</a>.</p>
Key Insights
- Gordon argues that controlling behavior toward family members about food and health choices stemmed from his own unhealed childhood wound of powerlessness, not from genuine concern for their wellbeing.
- Gordon claims that when something keeps triggering you repeatedly in relationships, it indicates the problem is within you, not the other person—a pattern he discovered with both his wife's dish habits and his children's eating habits.
- Gordon states that practicing gratitude through a daily "thank you walk"—speaking aloud what you're grateful for—was the single habit that changed the trajectory of his marriage and entire life during his crisis period.
- Gordon asserts that in his normal state he is happy-go-lucky, but stress triggers him into a commanding and controlling persona (based on the Berkman stress model), and recognizing this shift is key to preventing harm to his team.
- Gordon argues that adversity and challenges serve as blessings because they reveal unhealed wounds that need to be addressed, and that God uses difficult circumstances to bring these wounds to the surface for healing.
- Gordon contends that his team members can sense when he's doing genuine work on himself as a leader, even when that work reveals gaps between what he wrote about in his books and how he actually leads in practice.
- Gordon claims that most of the 93 habits in his book are "sticky" by design—meaning they naturally persist without requiring complex willpower or systems—because they're simple, powerful, and practical.
- Gordon states that releasing his need to control his family's choices resulted in immediate freedom for himself and paradoxically led his family to make better decisions on their own without his intervention.
Topics
Transcript
You are your habits. And so if a habit is not working for you, or you have a bad habit and it's holding you back, or it's hurting your life, you can pick a positive habit. And as I said, that thank you walk, that one habit changed the course of my life. How much of who you are today is shaped by the habits you've built? And how much is shaped by the wounds you never healed? If I had to go very deep, what am I really working on? It's what wounds have I not fully healed that I think I've healed, but I probably haven't fully healed. So I think I'm doing great, but then something may…
Full transcript available for MurmurCast members
Sign Up to AccessMore from Finding Mastery with Dr. Michael Gervais
The Psychology of Authenticity | Seth Godin - From The Vault
Seth Godin discusses the complexities of authenticity, leadership, and the importance of meaningful contributions in both personal and professional contexts. He emphasizes non-attachment to outcomes and the significance of emotional awareness.
The Psychology of Youth Sports | AMA Victoria Garrick Browne and Dr Michael Gervais
Dr. Michael Gervais and Victoria Garrett-Brown address audience questions about youth sports psychology, mental health in athletics, and identity development. They discuss the dangers of performance-based identity, warning signs of burnout, imposter syndrome, and practical strategies for parents and coaches to support young athletes' mental wellbeing.
The Psychology Of Speaking Under Pressure | Matt Abrahams
Matt Abrahams, lecturer at Stanford Graduate School of Business, discusses how to manage anxiety and perform effectively when speaking under pressure. He explains that spontaneous speaking is a trainable skill that requires managing threat response through mindset shifts, understanding deep knowledge of content, and using clear communication structures.
The Psychology of Youth Mental Health | Ross Szabo
Ross Szabo, a mental health education expert, discusses his personal journey through bipolar disorder and suicide attempts, and explains how he's creating systemic change by teaching mental health and healthy relationships curricula to students from 6th-12th grade. He emphasizes that mental health needs clear definitions and practical coping skills—not just awareness—and that understanding attachment styles, conflict resolution, and emotional vocabulary are foundational life skills often missing from education.
Women Are Not Small Men | Dr Stacy Sims
Dr. Stacy Sims discusses the unique physiological differences in women's health and performance, emphasizing the importance of tailored approaches to nutrition, exercise, and hormonal support. She highlights the significant yet often overlooked impact of hormone fluctuations on women's physical and mental health, particularly during perimenopause.