If Your SE Never Says No, You Don't Have a Partner
Sales engineers discuss the importance of saying 'no' to account executives as strategic partners rather than order-takers. They emphasize that pushback protects deals, prevents wasted time on bad opportunities, and requires building trust through partnership rather than just being a technical resource.
Summary
The hosts analyze a viral LinkedIn post about sales engineers needing to push back on account executives rather than simply complying with every request. They argue that the best SEs act as strategic partners who protect deals by identifying red flags and preventing wasted effort on unqualified opportunities. Early in their careers, both hosts were timid and viewed themselves as just technical resources, but they learned that their role includes protecting the company from bad deals that could waste engineering resources or result in customer churn. The discussion covers practical tactics for saying no effectively, including building trust first by expressing shared goals of winning deals, explaining compensation structures to align incentives, and approaching disagreements with curiosity rather than accusation. They emphasize that great AE-SE partnerships function as unified teams rather than hierarchical relationships, and that the best account executives appreciate strategic feedback that helps them focus on winnable opportunities. The conversation includes specific scripts and approaches for having difficult conversations, the importance of being willing to change your mind when presented with new information, and knowing when to escalate to management if conflicts can't be resolved. They stress that saying no should come from a place of wanting to protect and advance the deal, not from ego or obstruction.
About this episode
Ryan's LinkedIn post stopped the scroll: "If your SE has never told you no, you don't have a partner. You have an order taker." It went viral for a reason. In this episode, Ryan and Sameer break down why saying no is one of the most important skills a Sales Engineer can develop, and exactly how to do it without blowing up your AE relationship. They cover the mindset shift from technical resource to strategic partner, how to negotiate with your rep instead of just shutting ideas down, why disqualifying bad deals is just as valuable as closing good ones, and how to have hard conversations with curiosity instead of confrontation. Whether you're a new SE scared to push back or a seasoned one looking to sharpen how you communicate boundaries, this episode is packed with tactical frameworks and real talk. Topics covered: Why the "AE quarterbacks the deal" mindset holds SEs back How to set expectations with a new rep before the first deal The "say no to say yes" negotiation approach Coming from curiosity when giving tough feedback Why it's okay to change your mind after saying no How to protect the company from bad deals Next episode: Jeff Wang, CEO of Windsurf, joins the pod. Subscribe so you don't miss it. Follow Diary of a Sales Engineer on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and LinkedIn.
Key Insights
- Samir argues that if an SE never says no to their AE, they are functioning as an order-taker rather than a strategic partner
- Ryan explains that early in his career he had no idea how to say no and viewed the AE-SE relationship like a quarterback calling plays to receivers
- Samir states that it's the SE's duty to protect the company from bad deals that could bankrupt the engineering team even if they're worth $50-100k
- Ryan describes how he now introduces himself as someone who has worked with similar companies solving similar challenges rather than just as a technical resource
- The hosts argue that the best sales teams show up as unified teams like the Lakers or Bulls rather than as separate individuals
- Ryan recommends telling new AEs upfront that 'I want to win just as badly as you do' to destabilize preconceived notions about SEs being blockers
- Samir suggests sharing compensation plan details with AEs to show that SEs are also incentivized to close deals and avoid churn
- Ryan advocates for approaching disagreements with curiosity by asking 'what prompted you to do that' rather than being accusatory
Topics
Transcript
[0:01] What is going on everyone? Welcome back to another episode of Dire of a Sales Engineer with your host Samir Sihai Gosser and his best homie Ryan Krueger. And today we are going to be talking about a LinkedIn post that I had that went pretty viral in the world of LinkedIn the other week. You will notice I'm wearing a Topps baseball shirt today. We are getting closer and closer to baseball season. But the post in question today or the post that really took off is the one I had around saying [0:31] no as an SE. So I'm going to read off for the first time here on the podcast one of our posts, but we're…
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