Psychologist: If dating feels like this, you should reframe how you think about it

The psychologist identifies a common problematic pattern in dating where people unconsciously enter 'performance mode,' treating dates like job interviews where they hope to be chosen. This mindset causes people to tie their self-worth to external validation like text message responses. The core issue is that people approach dating as a one-way audition rather than a mutual evaluation process. The psychologist reframes dating as a bidirectional selection process where both parties are evaluating each other. Instead of asking only 'do they like me?', people should ask themselves 'do I like them? Do I feel good in their presence? Do they make me feel safe?' This shift in perspective is presented as psychologically transformative—when people recognize they are the casting director as well as an auditionee, the pressure and anxiety diminish substantially. The speaker emphasizes that people deserve to be just as selective about their romantic partners as those partners are about them, positioning dating not as selling oneself but as actively buying or choosing.