The Best Way to Deliver Bad News - Jefferson Fisher

Jefferson Fisher opens by distinguishing between being 'nice' and being 'kind' when delivering bad news. He argues that niceness focuses on surface-level pleasantries and avoids uncomfortable truths, while kindness means caring enough about someone to tell them the truth directly. He suggests using a brief label to prepare the listener — such as 'This is going to be some hard news' or 'You're not going to like what I have to say' — before immediately delivering the message, rather than building up to it slowly with false warmth.

Fisher uses the example of a breakup to illustrate his point. He criticizes the common approach of opening with compliments and fond memories before eventually getting to the bad news, arguing that this causes more long-term harm because the person receives an unclear, dishonest message. Instead, he recommends starting with the hard truth directly — for example, 'This isn't a relationship I can see myself continuing in' — and only then offering genuine appreciation or kind words. The same principle applies to firing an employee: lead with 'I need to let you go,' and follow with sincere recognition of their contributions.

He also addresses the habit of burying bad news at the end of a message — such as declining an invitation by listing all the chaos in one's life before finally saying no. Fisher advocates for starting with the 'no' first, then expressing gratitude, arguing that the word 'but' effectively deletes everything said before it, making a gratitude-first approach counterproductive.

Fisher then tackles the challenge of staying present in difficult conversations when emotions escalate. He uses the metaphor of a cold plunge: the beginning is the hardest moment — the shock and the urge to escape — but once you push through, clarity follows. He encourages people to increase their capacity to hold space for other people's emotions without absorbing or being derailed by them, describing this as a critical skill for leaders and people of integrity.

He closes with a powerful observation: families of missing children often say 'we just want to know,' illustrating that an open loop — unresolved uncertainty — causes more sustained pain than a difficult but definitive answer. Fisher connects this to the act of delivering bad news cleanly and without leaving people guessing, framing directness not as cruelty but as an act of integrity and respect.