Rachel Bilson: From People Pleasing to Knowing Your Worth (FBF)
Alex Cooper interviews actress Rachel Bilson on Call Her Daddy, covering her time on The OC, her relationship with co-star Adam Brody, her breakup with Bill Hader during the pandemic, and her personal growth around people-pleasing and self-worth. They also discuss sex, orgasms, vibrators, and navigating single parenthood. Rachel promotes her rewatch podcast co-hosted with Olivia.
Summary
The episode opens with Alex Cooper expressing her deep fandom for The OC before welcoming Rachel Bilson. Rachel reflects on her experience rewatching the show for her rewatch podcast, describing an emotional reaction to seeing her 21-year-old self and the life that has passed since. She discusses how the show's creator Josh Schwartz would incorporate real-life details from the cast into scripts, and how dating Adam Brody (who played Seth Cohen) while filming created both connection and complications, including jealousy when he filmed kissing scenes with Olivia Wilde. Rachel describes the moment she first developed feelings for Brody — a hallway conversation where he gave her relationship advice — and their approximately three-year relationship that lasted most of the show's run.
The conversation moves to the death of Misha Barton's character Marissa Cooper in Season 3, which Rachel describes as traumatic for the entire cast. She notes the decision to kill off the character appeared to be a joint one between the creators and Misha, partly because the character's storylines had been exhausted. Rachel also discusses how by Season 4 she was emotionally checked out, partly due to working on another project simultaneously and the relationship with Brody having ended.
Rachel shares that her mother is a sex counselor, which created an unusually open household around sexuality and nudity. She discusses not enjoying sex until much later in life, never faking orgasms, and the immense pressure women feel to perform pleasure. She and Alex bond over the universality of women pretending to enjoy sex or orgasm when they don't, and discuss practical strategies like redirecting a partner's attention by pulling them up rather than verbalizing discomfort. Rachel also shares that she didn't own a vibrator until a few years ago when a partner gifted her one, and discusses the importance of a partner being confident enough to incorporate toys.
The conversation then turns to Rachel's breakup with Bill Hader, which she clarifies happened during the COVID-19 pandemic. She explains that what made the period harder than childbirth was being isolated with her grief and unable to use social distraction as a coping mechanism — not the breakup itself being uniquely painful. She credits the forced isolation with helping her do deep personal work through therapy, reading, and self-reflection. She identifies people-pleasing as a major pattern in her past relationships and notes that she now, at 40, knows clearly what she wants and is unafraid to voice it — including coffee in the morning and the missionary position.
Rachel discusses being a single mother to her daughter Briar with ex Hayden Christensen, her policy of not introducing partners to her daughter too quickly, and how her current relationship reflects her evolved standards. She attributes her relatively scandal-free public life to a strong support system of lifelong friends and a loving, open family. She expresses admiration for Alex's transparency on the podcast as an inspiration for her own show with Olivia.
Key Insights
- Rachel Bilson argues that watching The OC two decades later triggered depression because it forced her to mentally replay 20 years of life choices simultaneously, not because the show itself was upsetting.
- Bilson claims that the competitive dynamic between her character and Anna Stern on-screen mirrored a real off-screen rivalry with co-star Samira Armstrong over feelings for Adam Brody, suggesting the show's storylines blurred with actual cast relationships.
- Bilson states she did not enjoy sex until much older and has never faked an orgasm, framing this as a deliberate choice rooted in honesty rather than the performance of pleasure she believes most women feel pressured to enact.
- Bilson argues that when she found herself mentally scheduling sex to satisfy a partner's drive rather than her own desire, that pattern was a reliable red flag signaling she was no longer genuinely invested in the relationship.
- Bilson claims that being forced into isolation during the pandemic without the usual distraction of socializing after a breakup was ultimately beneficial, because it compelled her to sit with and process emotions that many people suppress for years through avoidance.
- Bilson identifies people-pleasing as a recurring and conscious weakness in her past relationships, stating that her younger self would defer to controlling partners and that gaining the ability to speak up for herself only came with age and accumulated experience.
- Bilson argues that actors carry a heightened risk of self-involvement as a professional tendency, and that this trait appeared as a recurring theme across multiple relationships she had with other actors.
- Bilson credits her stable public reputation not to personal virtue alone but to a consistent support system of friends from junior high and high school who, she says, provide grounding accountability and have remained unchanged by her celebrity.
Topics
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